I woke up in a simple room with three beds, me on the one closest to the door. I was fully clothed and in the adjoining bed next to me was a Thai woman who woke up with a start when I said, “wheres my son?”.

She held up a piece of paper with 14,000 baht written on it.

“I don’t care,” I said, “I’ll pay it but where is my son?!”

She held her hands out to calm me but I was up and off the bed and looking for a way out. But the problem was I didn’t have a fucking clue where I was.

Never in my life, in all my fucked up states and adventures, had I ever got blackout wrecked and woke up lost.

The woman, who I recalled from the bar the night before as a good, genuine woman, took my arm and led me down a corridor without doors at either end. There were more rooms like the one I’d woken up in. It was some kind of dormitory.

Out of the door-less corridor she led me into an area full of bars, and I knew where I was. I’d been to these bars last time I was here in 2020, and I knew I was there last night, but my memory had a huge black hole in it. What I did know was that I must’ve been the only man on the island to sleep in a house full of hookers and not have one.

I called Bam and he didn’t answer. I paid the bill and rushed for my bike that was parked on the road and that I mercifully hadn’t lost the key to. The woman chased me, chattering away but I couldn’t understand her. I tore off as fast as the little moped would go, driving crazier than the crazy Thai drivers that inhabited the island of Koh Chang, and the whole ride I uttered “what the fuck” to myself maybe a thousand times.

Bam wasn’t in our apartment. I felt a cold wave of fear wash over me. I stood in his room, bewildered. I called him again. I called him again. I called him again. Nothing.

I got back on the bike and what the fucked myself back to the bars at the top of the island.

Standing out on the street as i pulled up was the “mama” and her bar staff.

“Look,” I said, the panic growing in me. “I need my son, I have to find him, where the fuck is he?“

They all tried to calm me, the mama taking my hands and talking quietly to me.

“It OK,” she said. “Your boy OK and safe.”

Again I demanded to know where he was. One of the girls handed me a phone with an open line. I didn’t know the name on the screen because I couldn’t fucking read Thai.

“Who is this?” I snapped.

“Dad?”

“Bam! Are you OK? Where the fuck are you?“

“Dad, I’m OK,” he said and I could tell he’d just woke up. “I’m in the hotel you put me in last night.”

“You… I… what hotel?” All the fear I felt was leaving me. “Bam, what the hell happened last night?”

“I’ll be there in two minutes,” he said.

“See, he ok,” mama said as I handed her the phone and hugged her tight.

“My boy’s ok,” I said. “He’s ok.”

“I tell you he ok,” she said and the other women cooed and smiled at me.

“I don’t know what happened last night,” I said and mama laughed at me.

“You sleep on floor of toilet,” she said, rubbing my arm.

One of the older bar workers put my arm over her shoulder. “I carry you bed like this,” she said.

What the fucking fuck.

Bam arrived and I hugged him. He was completely fine and safe.

“You were wasted,” he laughed. They all did.

“Was.. was I bad?” I asked. I was beginning to feel angry at myself. I’d taken Bam to Thailand to show him how “not to be English” when he travels and I’d made a mess of it on our second day.

“Don’t worry,” mama said, “you good man that why we help you. You friendly to everyone then you sleep!”

They laughed again, and I felt a little better. My coma-like state must’ve wiped out the hangover which was a small bonus.

“How did I get so smashed?” I asked.

“Connect four,” Bam said. He kept smiling at me like they all did. “We all played a lot and everytime someone lost you made them do a shot.”

“And you always lost,” mama said and everyone laughed again.

“On one game you bet five shots and 10000 baht on it,” Bam said.

“And lost,” I sighed.

“No,” he said, “you actually won that one, but that’s how we all ended up getting drunk.”

They all nodded and I could then see there were some really sore heads among us.

“You get everyone in bar very drunk,” mama said.

“I’m so sorry,” I said, but she hugged me. They all hugged me and said (what I hope were) nice things to me in Thai.

“You good man and he good boy and there no problem,” mama said. “You always please come back here and visit us.”

I promised we would (and we did) and I pointed up the walkway to the toilets and said I was sorry I passed out in there.

“No not in there,” mama said. “Different bar. I show you.”

She walked us into a bar we’d never seen before, and showed me the toilet and how she’d found me on the floor in a position as such that she’d had to put her foot through a gap and literally kick my unconscious form enough to get the door open.

“How did you end up here?” Bam laughed.

I thanked and hugged them all, hard, and gave them money for looking after me and my boy. I suddenly realised I’d lost my bank card, and mama offered to lend me money to get through the rest of the holiday. I’d got a back up card and could switch cash around, but it was a lovely gesture from someone I knew didn’t have a lot of money, but was willing to help out a stranger. But that was the Thai people all-over. Such good, generous people who want to do everything for you.

And despite this “blip” this has been one of the best weeks of my life. From eating on a beach with new friends, to sitting on a bench with a Thai girl as we talked about love and loss before we swam in the pool, mindless of the rain, to feeding elephants and sticking our fingers up at angry monkeys, every day has been amazing and perfect and I feel like I’m resetting myself, clearing my head and heart and getting ready to return here again as soon as I can.

And with already having a face tattoo, and to losing Bam for a while and having no memory of a night out, and finding photos on my phone that I also don’t recall, and which will never see the light of day… look, all I’m saying is if Mike Tyson turns up at some point I’ve got The Hangover 2 bingo card fully ticked off.

Now seems more ironic with the “Bangkok has him now” quote I ended my last blog with, because Bangkok, Koh Chang, mama, Fi, Yo, Mai, Nan, Nicki, and Vy have me now, and I think it’s time I start to plan to give myself to them.

We’ve left Koh Chang now, originally planning to stay there for 2 days but we were there 6, and we’ll slowly make our way up to Bangkok before we fly home, and if it wasn’t for the maturity of my 16 year old son pushing me to get us on the road, I don’t think I would’ve left.