Once upon a time, I used to be a fairly prolific blog writer. Things developed… demons happened… and my output reduced itself to two blogs in two years. Of course, Demons, and Demons: Dark Love were ‘successful’ – if that’s the right term – but with them hanging over my head I’ve felt unable to write anything else in between. How could I write about depression and my mental state in one blog, and then segue into a drunken weekend in Valencia with my brother-in-law and Italian Stallion friend the next?
It just didn’t sit right.
The Demons blogs may end up being the defining work of my career, but I was a good writer before them, and I am a better writer because of them. However, before those two blogs I was being read by many, many people, and finding my ‘adventures’ traversing the world, highlighted on different websites, being interviewed on other author sites, and talked about in forums. It is the things like these that I need to return to – to show that I am fit and strong again.
Oh, how I am these days?
I’m good. Really fucking good. I haven’t been on medication for months, I’ve regained weight, I’m writing prolifically again (The Book and short stories), and I’ve applied for a journalist position at a music website that should/would/could see my adventures explode. And even if that doesn’t take off people still want to read my words. Publishers are taking note, and I’m becoming the ‘go-to guy’ when an anthology or website need a piece of writing. I’m also a recognised author on Goodreads, I’ve registered with the IRS in America so that I can sell my work legally over there, and I have my iron-pen in several fires; the horror side of things is very strong (I’ve almost finished The Book‘s final-final draft), while there is a story about a man and his mental health that I start writing soon. Also, believe it or not, I’m being asked to write more and more erotica… these stories I won’t be passing on to my dear old mum.
To those of you who follow my writing because of my battles with mental health issues, I hope that you’ll stick around to see what else I can do, but if you feel that I’m not your cup of tea then you and I can part on amicable terms, and maybe we have helped each other during our tenure together. Heck, if you ever feel yourself struggling then please, PLEASE contact me. I still get messages every week from people who need help, and I’ve replied to all that have contacted me since Dark Love… over 500 people. You are never alone, no matter how desolate that black ache in your chest feels.
Just because I’m ‘fixed’ doesn’t mean I will forget the pain.
And I haven’t buried my demons. I’m never going to pretend that I’ve beaten or vanquished the beasts, but I have at least shut the trapdoor that contains them. I’ve rebuilt everything from the fucking ground up, and I’m happily determined to keep a padlock on that door for the rest of my life.
And the demons are pissed. Oh boy, are they mad. I can hear them; muffled bellows and screams from the cellar of my soul…
But they no longer control me.
I’ve got too much to do, and too much to lose.
Let ’em howl.
Let me write.