Don’t get me wrong, the foundations and background work at Arsenal is complete. Impeccable. Arsene Wenger has built a great club out of a very good one and the man is a genius. The Arsenal fans baying for his blood need to realise what he has achieved.
BUT, he has missed the ball over the last few years by not strengthening the team in the appropriate areas.
Here, Arsene, let me show you where you should strengthen the team:
Even a mentally slow, backward bipolar monkey has known that this has been Wenger’s weakspot for the last few years, and it is probably the main reason that no new shiny trophy sits in the cabinet.
Now, I have the solution guy for this position, but some of you are not gonna like it.
I know, I know, it sounds like I’ve taken leave of my senses, but hear me out.
Robert Green is a good goalkeeper. If you pebble-dashed any keeper in the world with the number of shots that this boy has had to contend with they’d ALL make high profile mistakes. Seriously, stick Reina in goal and he’d look as nervy.
Green makes great saves in every game, but – as with all keepers – it’s his faults that are highlighted.
“But wait!” I hear you cry. “The defense can’t defend anyway so he’ll be just as prone to fuck-ups!”
Which leads me nicely into…
Take a look at this brute. He looks like he should be fighting lions in a Roman Colosseum. He’s bigger, harder and blacker than Sol Campbell and would go through attackers like shit through a goose. Plus he terrorises the hell out of defences when he goes up for corners. Stick him in front of Green and the spine is starting to take shape…
Let’s shore up midfield a little with…
Although, like Green, he’s English and over the age of twelve so Wenger won’t buy him.
How many goals did he get for Wigan this season? Was it 10? Imagine what the moody, stringy-haired bugger could do in a team that creates more chances than a teenager armed with rohypnol at an under 18s disco.
Right, I’m off to see if this shit will finally get me Freshly Fucking Pressed.