Tag Archives: Portsmouth

Portsmouth vs Norwich 2nd May 2011

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Being a Norwich fan living on the Isle of Wight means I don’t get to go to as many games as

Defending a corner

I would like, but it puts me at a distinct advantage when my team come down to the south coast to play the local teams.

So, armed with Ant Ward, Andy Ward, and Darren Hall off we set on the 6.10pm boat and we still had time for Burger King and for Wardy (that’s Andy, not Ant) to realise he didn’t have enough clothes on and then discover all the shops were shut for bank holiday Monday.

Luckily I’m a Fratton Park veteran. Three layers, hat, job done.

We grab a taxi to the ground and buy a programme on the way into Fortress Fratton. Well, it’s more like a ramshackle shed, but a lovable one – and the fans are always loud and top notch.

However, the blue and white army are a little subdued tonight and seem happy to let us have our moment in the spotlight as the 3000 Canaries, and several of them are wishing our fans ‘good luck’ as we enter.

Cardiff’s 3-0 capitulation to mid-table-mediocrity-specialists Middlesborough mean that a win will guarantee us promotion. No one’s saying it out loud but the crowd outside the ground are buzzing as we enter the away end.

The players celebrate

Last time I was stood in the Milton End it had no roof, it rained, and there were roughly 1000 of us crammed into the corner as we lost 3-2 to a Paul Merson-led team.

This time we have the whole stand, with roof, and more inflatable toys than a porn convention.

Kick-off and the noise in our end grows to a tumultuous level. One of the first ballads is our own “E-I-E-I-O”. If you don’t know why then you’ve never been to the farming capital of the world.

The first half isn’t much to write home about, but we’re in good voice and keep it up until half time. Then it takes me twenty five minutes to circumnavigate the toilet and the food stall. Which has NO food. Or hot drinks. This causes several arguments among the fans and the stewards!

The second half erupts as Simeon Jackson stoops to head home a David Fox five minutes in, and – as I’m returning from the loo/food stall I manage to run down into the corner the players are celebrating in and snap a couple of pictures.

The rest of the game is a bit of a nervous blur. The guy next to me talks my ear off while Wardy and the others laugh in my other one, while I try to concentrate on the game and watch Norwich soak up a few attacks from Pompey that are going nowhere.

On the other side, we press and press, and Jackson should have scored again.

94 minutes are finally up, we clear the ball from defence, the referee blows his whistle, the

A blurry Paul Lambert - our king, the next Alex Ferguson

players run towards us, they slide along the ground, the stewards attempt to hold us back, but soon there are easily a thousand Canaries on the pitch dancing and celebrating with the players as we watch from the seats, snapping photos and taking videos.

It’s been a great night, and we are Premier League again after a 6 year hiatus.

I feel for the Norwich fans for their long journey home, although they probably won’t be complaining too much as they dream of trips to Old Trafford, The Emirates, and Anfield.

I get home just after 11pm and flick on my recording of Sky Tv. Fast forwarding to the goal I manage to catch myself as I emerge at the top of the stairs to take a photo…

…and promptly start falling down them as I jump up in celebration with everyone around me.

If you’re going to be a clown on live TV, then do it properly.

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Brighton Tattoo Convention 2011

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This is the second year that Simon Cope and I have attended the Brighton Tattoo Convention, and the second year that I’ve been tattooed by a hungover artist…

Leaving on the 8am boat from Fishbourne, we hit Portsmouth before heading east for an hour towards gay old Brighton. Old – literally. Gay – definitely.

The reason we’re hitting the Brighton Con this year is twofold: 1/because we enjoy going to tattoo conventions, and 2/ because I’m getting inked by one of the best and most famous tattooists in the world – Dan Gold.

@thedangold (his twitter name) rose to fame during his spell on the UK’s take on Miami Ink - London Ink - and his angry outbursts and brilliance with the needles made him an instant favourite all over the country. He’s since appeared in every tattoo magazine going and has been working conventions since 1993. Dan also now runs 13 Ink in Liverpool when he’s not touring the world and tattooing the likes of Britney Spears and Kate Moss. He also showed me the ‘Only Kate Moss Tattoo In The World’ on his wrist. I think she needs a little more practice…

Prepping

I arrived at 11am prompt and we entered early due to our online booking of the tickets, but Dan Gold wasn’t at his booth. I had a stroll round and found him half and hour later, much, much worse for wear.

He’d been on the whiskey the previous night, and a short, innocent ride in an elevator left him rolling in at the early hours of that morning. That’s all I can say on that subject… I can’t tell you guys everything!

So, Mr Gold asked me to get him a cup of tea so he could get his head together. Now, there’s no food or drink allowed in the Grandstand Hall, so I used the line: “But it’s for Dan Gold” and after much um-ing and ah-ing the lady on the door let me through. Then told me she would bollock him in a bit.

Now fuelled with the healing power of Earl Gray (or the cheaper Tescos equivalent), Dan Gold began drawing outlines on my hand. This is a job that was continually interrupted by people wanting to say ‘hi’ to Dan, take his photo, talk business with him, or just chat to him in general.

Once the outline was finally finished he told me to go look in a mirror to see what i thought

Outlined

of it. I did so, but already knew just by looking at it upside down that it was going to be pretty spectacular.

And so, over the next four hours (we’d agreed he could take his time, such was his tender state) I got inked by the One and Only Dan Gold. The man himself tattooed my little boys’ name on my hand and – as we were pretty much the first tattoo booth in the main hall – it seemed like everyone stopped to look, comment, or take photos. During the tattoo Dan and I spoke to event organisers, other tattooists, random guys from the Isle of Wight who I’d also seen at a DJ Format gig two nights previous, strippers, girls in their underwear, lesbians, other tattooists and many more people. I’ve been inked at cons before (most notably by Mr Halbstark and Andy Custom Ink) but never had so many people watch me! Obviously they were there to watch Dan Gold, but it was MY hand, dammit! :)

Once finished and tentatively arranged a follow-up booking at the upcoming Portsmouth Tattoo Extravaganza in April this year. Now I just have to figure out what I want to get done! The new Pompey Con is looking good and it’s £20 for a full weekend ticket. Hannah Aitchison from LA Ink is set to appear, as is Dan Gold, and a host of top talent from all over the UK. Hit their website and look at the ‘artists’ section for a sample of all their work.

My hand bumping another IOWers! Jethro!

There will also be body modifiers, body piercers, traditional tattooists, live bands and much more. It should be a great weekend and I know Copey and I will be bringing a few of the gang with us.

Now, it may seem that I know more of the Portsmouth Con then I do of the Brighton Con, but that’s because after four hours of ink I only had an hour to take a look around at the actual convention I was in!

But, like last year – and every tattoo con I’ve attended – the clientèle are always friendly and willing to have photos taken of their tattoos. At one stage I pointed out to Copey, Jo and Leanne (our other travellers) that they were now the outcasts as they didn’t have one tattoo between them!Dan Gold and I.

We stayed in the beer hall for a short while and ate and drank before I left them to it to take a wander around by myself. It’s always fascinating watching other people (in pain) getting inked, and some of the sights are truly wonderous; the tattoos can be magnificent, the girls look immaculate in their burlesque dresses and make-up, and there are usually some hot chicks strolling around in their underwear.

My walk finished, and with my camera crammed with photos it was time to leave and head back for the boat – thankfully my hand was in no pain (and still isn’t now, two days later!).

All that remained was to show Bam my… handywork.

What Jody Did in 2010

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It’s part pure-self-indulgence, and part diary… as since I started drinking less my memory’s started getting worse… and I thought it was supposed to be the other way round!

Below is a list of what I achieved/enjoyed/did during the year of 2010, which has gone down as One Of The Best Years Of My Life(TM). Most of you will have been involved to some degree, some of you will have followed my adventures, and some of you have come here wondering who the hell I am, and those that know me will wonder just how the hell I managed it all! Well, join the club.

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JANUARY

The year started with snow and Gareth “Big Perm” Brown stayed snowed-in at mine for a couple of days. It was also (my youngest son) Bam’s first real snowfall that he could go out

If you can't drop your trousers in front of a strange, hungover German, who can you drop them in front of?

and play in. Work and schools are closed as are most roads.

Started my radio career with Vectis Radio – an online radio station based here on the Isle of Wight – as Bully’s assistant during his afternoon show.

Brighton Tattoo Convention was also our destination at the end of the month where I got a shark tattoo on my thigh by Mark Halbstark -  a tattoo which ends up in Skin Deep magazine later that year!

The Wild Bunch hit The Folly for Richie’s birthday.

MARCH

For my birthday my sister Kay and her husband-to-be, Steve, got me 8 weeks of salsa dancing in revenge for the Des O’Connor tickets I gave her for her birthday the previous year. I take my partner-in-crime – Simon Cope – with me as punishment for him laughing about it. I won’t digress exactly what happened… as all these “birthday presents

Me, Ollie, Perm and Copey.

spiralling out of control” are for a future blog… or book!

My birthday is also shared by Amy Bailey! Who then ups and leaves me to go to Australia… this trend continues through the year as Gareth Brown also goes to the same country and Chris ‘Anal’ Ettritch and Caroline Uncle also head out to the far east.

The Ryde Taxis 16 seater bus I drive got on TV on South Today! I volunteered to sit in it while they filmed… they said no. Face for radio, anyone?

I’m also the bus driver for local band The Dead Perrys for their photo shoot. It ends up in true rock and roll style as we ruin places, pubs and rock out til 4am…

APRIL

I start my own show at Vectis Radio, playing soul and funk. The first show I’m nervous as hell, but soon into my element and start playing tracks that have sampled old songs, so hip hop becomes prevalent. The show morphs and later in the year I move to Tuesday nights

The WIld Bunch

and get free reign and host special shows covering the Wu Tang, the Beastie Boys, DJ Shadow and Cypress Hill. Thanks Macca!

The Wild Bunch hit the Windmill in Bembridge.

I see Mat Carrington for the first time this year after promising us both I’d make more of an effort to get over to see him in Wimbourne. I do well on that promise through the rest of the year.

I join Twitter. It takes me a good month or so to get into it but it is very rewarding and has allowed to me speak to many other writers, sports fans, stars, etc. By the end of the year I will have struck up a friendship with Dan Gold, and spoke to DJ Mistajam, page 3 girl Rosie Jones, porn star Rachael Williams, UK hip-hoppers Foreign Beggars, Brighton stars Rizzle Kicks, and writer Rebecca Woodhead! An honourable mention goes to Marni Mann, a writer awaiting publication who I will be talking to throughout my own process of trying to become a published author. *note to self: ask Marni if I can be the first to interview her once published!* (also, Marni’s blog is on this page under the ‘blogroll’ section)

MAY

The garden outside the flats Copey and I live in gets a big renovation! The grass and wild bushes are cut and a fence is put up by Lee Daniel… thus allowing us to have some big, crazy barbeque’s that run throughout the summer. Strangely, once the grass is cut, I find a

You can't actually see the pain we were in.

pair of Jamaican pants.

I win £400 as Norwich win League One.

The Wild Bunch hit the Folly. Again.

Copey and I Walked The Fucking Wight. All 26 miles of it for charity. It wasn’t my choice but Bully asked us live on air on Vectis Radio, so how could we refuse? My feet hurt afterwards. A lot. Almost as much as I hurt Isle of Wight Radio when I got to the finish line and they asked who I was walking for. I was wearing a Vectis Radio t-shirt and I proclaimed it live on their show!

Went to Wembley with Bully, Frank and his son Danny to watch England play Hungary in a friendly before the Shit World Cup. It wouldn’t be my last visit to Wembley this year.

We roll up at the Bournemouth Tattoo Convention. I don’t have any work done but I do get to meet Dan Gold of London Ink fame!

JUNE

The Wild Bunch hit The Sloop.

Got my picture taken with Kate Moss after driving her back from the Isle of Wight Festival, along with her rocker boyfriend, Jamie Hince – who was a lovely fellow!

But Kate wasn’t a patch on the Bunch’s own H-Bomb – Ms Haley Owen. We rocked up at On The Rocks in Yarmouth for her birthday.

We host a barbeque to end all barbeques for an England World Cup game. It’s still talked about in pubs and clubs across the island. Apparently. Also, it isn’t a patch on the

She was a little starstruck at first.

monster BBQ we hosted the month before, in which we had more people than the pub across the road! Inman also supplies much mirth with his bionic leg…

The Wild Bunch hit Portsmouth for Copey’s birthday. (I do realise that some of you have no idea who the Wild Bunch are, but they are a close group of my friends and will feature in a blog coming soon!)

My bus and I ferried passengers backwards and forwards to a church and reception in nearby St Helens for one of Jimmy Choo’s designers.

The Bunch hit the Alamo for Emily’s birthday.

I start up an email-writing-humour-filled friendship with Mr Jason Tabrys; truly my partner-in-crime. One of us will end up famous. The other will be riding the others coat-tails… but as long as there are big houses and bitches involved, I don’t care who does it.

JULY

I finally take over the gold mondeo I’ve been driving sporadically over the last couple of years. I’ve no real intention of driving it as I need to give my dad some more work as the markets he’s been grafting for years don’t seem to be a viable long term prospect. Plus it’s warmer in the car. Only downside is he’ll probably meet some of my idiot mates… but at least the car is now mine after a long, drawn-out process of trying to buy it. And blowing an engine in it. Twice.

Bam, Jo and I go to the Isle of Wight Zoo which is always good fun. Her brother – Darren (of the NFL blog fame) – works there and feeds the goats with Bam while I look after the monkey. *ahem*

Tommy Harding manages to coax me out of beach football retirement to play a game for

What the fuck were we thinking?

him along with some of my old team as he’s short of players. We lose. I don’t even make it onto the pitch after realising how unfit I am walking to the pitch.

The Ryde Taxis weekly golf tournament starts. Copey and I are very similar in scores throughout the next few weeks. The sessions also allow Frank Allen the following observation:

“Jody’s golf swing is perfect – he actually looks like a pro… until he hits the ball.”

The Wild Bunch hit Weatherspoons. Hard.

Had a five minute chat all about Bam with Hawksbee and Jacobs on their brilliant TalkSport afternoon show. I have intentions for TalkSport but all will be revealed at a later date…

I take Bam to the Thomas Day Out at Havenstreet Steam Railway, a day we always both enjoy. It’s also probably Bam’s favourite place on the island and we’ll be back again a couple of times during the year.

And in July I started blogging.

AUGUST

Take Bam to Space Island and catch up with some old friends in the form of Skeete, Lucy

Lee’s photo of Bam, through a treestump

and Lee Richards and all their kids. Lee takes a photo of Bam which gets reproduced many times by myself and ends up as a Christmas present to my mum. Lee definitely needs to get more involved in photography. And he also qualifies for a blog on his own… not just through his photography but because every time he asks me to come out for a quiet drink, things go veeeeeeeeeeeeery awry.

Went to Brixton Academy with Lindon Plumley and saw the Wu-Tang Clan! Blogged.

Bam and I go to the Chale Show to confront my fear of flying by going up in the helicopter tours they do every year….

…this year they’re not doing them.

It’s my old friend and boss Andy Younies’ 40th birthday at the Oakfield Club House… a truly colourful event!

Andy's 40th

Saw Mat Carrington BA Hons III again!

Gabbi Wickes and her dad, Kev, come down for a week and we end up on a good night out.

Back to Havenstreet with Bam, this time for the Steam Fayre.

The island is besieged during it’s always-brilliant Scooter Rally, and Frank Allen and I are convinced to go down to the King Lud pub wearing our football shirts as we were informed THAT everyone would be doing the same that night. Frank and I are the only ones with football shirts on.

The last barbeque of the year is – as always – a big event, and this time we even have the debut of local island band The Hay Stack Rats!

SEPTEMBER

It’s off to Thorpe Park we go on a day out with Copey, Jo, The Guv’nor (Andy) and others. I worry Bam will be scared of the rides… but he soon puts me straight on that one. We also see Louie Spence, Duncan James, and Tamzin Outhwaite there. As you do.

The Wild Bunch hit Appley Manor for some joint birthdays. It ends up in my garden at 2am doing headstands.

OCTOBER

Most of this month is taken up with Jo and I going on holiday to Canada. I’ve already blogged the hell out of it so go read them.

The Wild Bunch hit Ryde Tandoori.

I hang around with him for his intelligence and humour. Since he sold the car I haven't been over to see him, however.

Saw Mr Carrington again.

Bump into old friends Joz and Jodie on a random night out in Spoons. It’s messy, but fun. Some of the Bunch are in attendance.

Remember the salsa dancing Kay and Steve got me? Well, I make them read The Worst Poem In The World(TM) at the Quay Arts Centre in front of the Island Poetry Society. Again, one day this will be a blog or a book. Or read out at my funeral.

Darren and I go to Wembley for the Annual International NFL Game. Again, blogged.

NOVEMBER

Andy, Bam, myself and loads more kids go to Splashdown in Poole.

Bam.

The island suffers some heavy floods. Bam and I go play in them!

The Ryde Taxi drivers have a Jolly Boys Outing to France and Belgium.

DECEMBER

Snow falls heavy right at the start of the month.

I take Bam, Cameron and Chloe to the Spinnaker Tower in Portsmouth, and a quick trip round Gunwharf.

I manage to get a part as a zombie in The Zombie Diaries 2: World of the Dead thanks to old family friend Liam Kealy! The film is released this coming July (2011) and I will put up the blog about my day of being dead up then.

A man of natural beauty.

The Wild Bunch have their annual Christmas dinner… this time at the Beijing Palace. Nothing like a good old traditional chicken korma for Christmas…

Chris ‘Anal’ Ettritch and I take out Jo’s car with Bam in the snow… and rag the shit out of it. Must admit, it’s a gem in the snow, that little Fiesta!

This is quickly followed by Anal and Caroline’s leaving do, as they are off around the world for four months

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So, that’s my year in summary. Again, self-indulgent and a good way for me to look back in years to come and remember just exactly what the hell I was doing, but it’s fun nonetheless, and it should be a good read if you’re one of my friends or if you simply want to know about me!

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve still got a bloody book to write!