Tag Archives: Norwich City

Movember – Come and Join Us!

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Last year, I was watching Norwich smash Ipswich 4-1, when I realised our super striker

Grant Holt celebrates his epic moustache.

Grant Holt was sporting a moustache of such specularity that it made my weeks growth look like bum-fluff on my 16 year old son (sorry, Cameron!).

The commentator then informed us all that Holt and several other footballers were growing their ‘taches in aid of Movember – a charity organised to highlight mens’ health; particularly prostate cancer.

Allow me to be lazy and let the website give you the details:

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About The Campaign

During November each year, Movember is responsible for the sprouting of moustaches on thousands of men’s faces in the UK and around the world. The aim of which is to raise vital funds and awareness for men’s health, specifically prostate cancer and other cancers that affect men.

On Movember 1st, guys register at Movember.com with a clean-shaven face and then for the rest of the month, these selfless and generous men, known as Mo Bros, groom, trim and wax their way into the annals of fine moustachery. Supported by the women in their lives, Mo Sistas, Movember Mo Bros raise funds by seeking out sponsorship for their Mo-growing efforts.

Mo Bros effectively become walking, talking billboards for the 30 days of November and through their actions and words raise awareness by prompting private and public conversation around the often ignored issue of men’s health.

At the end of the month, Mo Bros and Mo Sistas celebrate their gallantry and valor by either throwing their own Movember party or attending one of the infamous Gala Partés held around the world by Movember, for Movember. 

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So, that’s the short and curlies of it all, and myself and a fellow band of Mo Bros are taking part through-out the month of Movember. My colleague and friend – Tim Pritchard – has organised a group of us into The Nose Neighbours. If you click the link it will take you straight to our group. Feel free to join and expand our numbers as we look to beat last years’ total of £500! The link to donate is on the page, or you can just donate straight to my Movember page. Even if you donate £1-£5 it will all add up in the end, and you will have my eternal thanks!

The King Lud here in Ryde has also suggested that we have a meet-up at the end of the month BEFORE we all shave our beauties off, so a piss-up with fellow moustachioed individuals is another incentive to get involved!

I did try to grow a moustache last year, but I only found out about it late, so this year I’m going guns blazing, and clean shaven for the first time in well over a decade, Hell, I was best man at a wedding once and didn’t clean shave for that… or my sisters wedding last week!

And which style am I going for?

Take a look below.

Right now...

 

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Paul Lambert’s Master Plan

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*sigh* Throughout my life and during my time on Twitter I have made so many Norwich friends it’s been a whirlwind of social networking and Canary-cuddling. It’s been great.

This man knows what the fuck he is doing.

I’m now in danger of pissing each and every one of them off in one foul sentence.

I think Paul Lambert is planning on relegation.

Wait, hear me out. Please! I’ve been a City fan for… *phew* almost 30 years, and have been going to Carrow Road since I was 8 years old (3-3 against Liverpool), and nothing would swell me with more pride then our beloved yellows staying up in 17th place by the skin of their teeth on the last day of the season that starts tomorrow.

Bradley Johnson

But take a look at the signings:

Bradley Johnson (Leeds)

Anthony Pilkington (Huddersfield)

Elliott Bennett (Brighton)

James Vaughan (Everton)

Steve Morison (Millwall)

Apart from Vaughan there is little or no Premiership experience between them, and with the signing of David Ayala imminent from Liverpool you can see that Lambert is going for young, hungry players, and I believe  we will stay up with the squad we have.

But, most of the players – including Ayala – have a lot of Championship experience, so if we were to go down it wouldn’t be a bad thing, as I think we’ll be one of the strongest sides in the division and come straight back up.

If Lambert stays in charge. Which I hope he does. And with the players mentioned above can you see why I think we’re possibly planning on going down…?

I don’t think it would be a bad thing if we ‘West Brom’d’ it for a few years. Buy decent

Elliott Bennett

players, get relegated, smash the championship, rinse, repeat. It would financially stabilise a club that has diced with administration more than once, and it would allow us to build such a strong base to work with.

Now, if we can just build a bigger stadium… but that’s a blog for another time…

Please feel free to leave any comments below City fans!

Convincing Jay to Join Twitter

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I have a friend called Jay. He’s a little older than me, and I’m beginning to fear for him. He’s getting to that age where he’s becoming set in his ways and denouncing new and exciting social changes…

…which is strange seeing as he’s an Uber DJ and has more gadgets than an Ann Summers warehouse.

He won’t join Twitter. No matter how many times we (his friends) tell him to get involved, and become a part of a social network that is increasing at a faster rate then facebook, he just won’t bite. He calls it ‘Twatter’. ‘Cos it’s full of twats.

So, I asked the Twitterverse what they would say to encourage Jay to join us, and here’s a few snippets:

“I love Twitter because I follow so many Norwich peeps I feel like I’m still home… not going to work with your pal, though!” @wunjot

No, Wunjot, you’re right, it’s probably not going lure Jay in! However, being a former man of Norwich myself you are right. Twitter has allowed me to keep up to date with my favourite football team (along with the Chicago Bears of the NFL) as well as find and meet new fans – some I’ve even met on match days!

“Near live bus info. Boring, but handy.” @devilqube

devilqube

My god that is boring. But handy.

“Tell him supermodels are always posting pics of themselves!” @emmaninjanerd

I’ll tell them that, because they do. Jase, I also follow an obscene amount of pornstars and they are always putting pictures of their… *ahem*… ‘work’ up.

“You can follow a13 year old racist American girl as she goes about her business in Vegas… now if that doesn’t convince your friend…” ”You can fulfill your dreams of #stalking with celebs and share #funnyoneliners with friends” @smilesRloving

And stalk I do. The one liners have become a personal crusade of mine to get as many as possible accepted by the Twitterverse and retweeted to gain as many followers as I can. #socialwhore Mind you, my blogs and I have been retweeted by Sandown Racecourse and the Broncos and 49ers NFL teams!

smilesRloving

Oh, I haven’t explained about hashtags yet, Jay. I will if you make it to Twitter…

“Tell him his favourite movie star is ‘coming out’ on Twitter! lol” @PTFit_BootCamp

Thanks… I think. As I’ve said, Jay is getting a bit set in his ways… and old… so unless Clint Eastwood or Dustin Hoffman are about to ‘come out’ I don’t think it’s gonna work.

“It is a repository for notions both brilliant and ill formed.” “A place to find glory, shame and many unfortunate photos of people who fail to recognise the limits of their hotness.” @JTabrys 

Amen. It’s nice when hot people put their photos up. It’s not nice when people who think they’re hot put their photos up. Still, gives all us  hot people a giggle.

“Cos I’m on it, simple!” @TomHarding87

TomHarding87

I don’t know if he’s saying ‘simple’ because it is, or if he’s calling me simple.

“Twat.” @NJ_West88

Thanks, Nina.

I think what Nina meant to say was that there are a whole host of things and possibilities capable with Twitter. You can become involved with films (by donating to @IndywoodFILMS I’ve got myself a Producer credit once the film is released and spoken to actors such as Carl Weathers (aka Apollo Creed!)), music (I’ve met or spoken to @DJ-Ckay, @thelastskeptik, @ForeignBeggars, and @RizzleKicks), sport (bantered with Wolves defender @MrJodyCraddock), models (such as @rachaelwilliams and Rosie ‘Oh My God I Love Her So Much’ Jones), and not to mention all the writers that I have met.

Twitter’s ability to promote your own business and/or skills have enabled me to meet a plethora of fellow, talented scribes. I have spoken to too many authors to mention, as they are all on Twitter and all eager to converse with fans/readers/fellow writers. Jay, DJs are on there in abundance as well, so you’ll fit right in.

I’ve seen exclusive previews of new film trailers (Spiderman and the new Dark Knight Rises film), as well as getting free game codes, free music, free films, and recently I watched the space shuttle Atlantis return from space all through the links people put up on Twitter.

So give it a go, Jay. You’ve got nothing to lose! And if anyone else has any added pieces of wisdom to convince him feel free to comment below!

And I will leave it with one final comment from my partner-in-crime, @marnimann

“I met you, enough said.”

:-D

If I Won The Lottery…

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Now that the euromillions runs twice a week and I’m forking out almost £40 a week on that and the normal lottery, I feel that I’m due a great big dirty win. The record amount won by someone in the UK was £113million.

Which, I feel, is a fair amount for me as well.

Here’s how I’d spend it.

1/ Give £13million to Norwich City FC

(cue jokes about wasting money, etc) I love my club, and always have done. By giving them £13big-ones I’d ensure myself a place on the board, so as to be a voice of the fans.

The money would go to redeveloping some of the ground (it’s already a good stadium, but it needs more seats), buying myself an executive box for life – which I wouldn’t use as I’d be in the Snake Pit with the fans – and then whatever is left will go on players. Scott Parker would be a good start.

2/ Sort the clan out

Houses for my sisters, folks and kids. Big fat trust funds, bonds, savings, whatever is advised by the best financial advisers in the country.

Which I’d then ignore and go and spunk it on…

3/ Toys

Boats, cars, quads, you name it. Anything that I don’t need and don’t want I will buy. A Hummer? Why not. And paint it pink.

My own jet, parked up in Southampton airport so that, whenever I feel like it, I can go and fly to one of my many…

4/ Houses

I’d have one in Canada, somewhere around Victoria. With a helicopter in the garden so I can pop out to Calgary and Vancouver. I fucking love Canada. I’d buy a pet bear and let it roam free in the garden. Just because I can.

I’d have a home in Italy, too. A great big villa in the north, with acres of vineyards where Jose will make shit-loads of wine. Jose is Spanish. I’m not sure what he’s doing in Italy. Other than making me wine.

I need a home in the US as well, but I haven’t picked where yet. One around New York, definitely, and one in Chicago for sure. Then I can go and watch the Chicago Bears in every home game.

Rosie Jones

I’d pay for a private photo shoot with Rosie Jones. And by private, I mean she can get butt-naked and let me take pictures. If she feels uncomfortable I’d point at the table next to the camera with enough coinage to make Simon Cowell touch himself.

6/ Sasha Grey

This lady might not do porn anymore but once I whiff the fibre of my monetary fabric under her nose she’ll lay me like a new carpet.

Everyone has their price. I’ll pay whatever hers is.

Incidentally, my price is knocking around the minimum wage mark. Or throw me a quarter pounder and I’m yours.

6/ The Ryde Sandblasters

Excuse me for a moment.

I’d revive my old beach team and make them a force to be reckoned with. We’d tour the world playing football with myself as coach, and a host of ex-professionals flaunting their stuff on the sand.

“Cantona to Maradona… Maradona to Di Canio… Di CANIO TO RUTH… RUTH… RUTH… it’s a throw-in.”

7/  Get that damn book published…

…by finally finishing the damn thing, buying a publishing house, and then publishing it everywhere. If book shops don’t stock it, then I’ll buy them and they’ll do as they are fucking told.

8/ X-box vs PS3

I’d buy every X-box fanboy a lesson in common sense until they actually get some. And a PS3.

9/ Comic

I’d write and release my own comic. Something along the lines of The Walking Dead but without half of the fucking comic being taken up by gushing fanboy letters. I don’t buy porn to read the smutty stories, and I don’t want half my comic to be a fucking letters page.

I used to write comics as a youngster, into my teens, and I think I was getting somewhere at one point. Then I got drunk a lot.

10/ Tattoos

I probably need a couple more. I have some bare skin. Somewhere.

A zombie-sleeve by Dan Gold, then I’d travel the world getting inked by the best tattooists out there.

11/ The Sopranos

Ok, ok, I get the ending, but it’s still a little flat. I’d commission a one-off special just so we find out what exactly happens.

And if the guy at the counter is a shooter…

12/ You can add another episode of Lost to that as well.

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A couple of you that know me might wonder why I haven’t added ‘Buy Shitloads of Porn’ to the list. It’s because I actually own every fucking magazine and dvd ever made. Fact.

That’s all I can think of for now. I probably should add that if I did really win all that cash then I’d probably be dead within a week, via an explosion of Charlie Sheen-like proportions.

Death by pornstars.

I’d take that.

Now, let me know what you’d do with a big win. Go on, blog it. (I’m looking at you Roy Radventurer).

Portsmouth vs Norwich 2nd May 2011

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Being a Norwich fan living on the Isle of Wight means I don’t get to go to as many games as

Defending a corner

I would like, but it puts me at a distinct advantage when my team come down to the south coast to play the local teams.

So, armed with Ant Ward, Andy Ward, and Darren Hall off we set on the 6.10pm boat and we still had time for Burger King and for Wardy (that’s Andy, not Ant) to realise he didn’t have enough clothes on and then discover all the shops were shut for bank holiday Monday.

Luckily I’m a Fratton Park veteran. Three layers, hat, job done.

We grab a taxi to the ground and buy a programme on the way into Fortress Fratton. Well, it’s more like a ramshackle shed, but a lovable one – and the fans are always loud and top notch.

However, the blue and white army are a little subdued tonight and seem happy to let us have our moment in the spotlight as the 3000 Canaries, and several of them are wishing our fans ‘good luck’ as we enter.

Cardiff’s 3-0 capitulation to mid-table-mediocrity-specialists Middlesborough mean that a win will guarantee us promotion. No one’s saying it out loud but the crowd outside the ground are buzzing as we enter the away end.

The players celebrate

Last time I was stood in the Milton End it had no roof, it rained, and there were roughly 1000 of us crammed into the corner as we lost 3-2 to a Paul Merson-led team.

This time we have the whole stand, with roof, and more inflatable toys than a porn convention.

Kick-off and the noise in our end grows to a tumultuous level. One of the first ballads is our own “E-I-E-I-O”. If you don’t know why then you’ve never been to the farming capital of the world.

The first half isn’t much to write home about, but we’re in good voice and keep it up until half time. Then it takes me twenty five minutes to circumnavigate the toilet and the food stall. Which has NO food. Or hot drinks. This causes several arguments among the fans and the stewards!

The second half erupts as Simeon Jackson stoops to head home a David Fox five minutes in, and – as I’m returning from the loo/food stall I manage to run down into the corner the players are celebrating in and snap a couple of pictures.

The rest of the game is a bit of a nervous blur. The guy next to me talks my ear off while Wardy and the others laugh in my other one, while I try to concentrate on the game and watch Norwich soak up a few attacks from Pompey that are going nowhere.

On the other side, we press and press, and Jackson should have scored again.

94 minutes are finally up, we clear the ball from defence, the referee blows his whistle, the

A blurry Paul Lambert - our king, the next Alex Ferguson

players run towards us, they slide along the ground, the stewards attempt to hold us back, but soon there are easily a thousand Canaries on the pitch dancing and celebrating with the players as we watch from the seats, snapping photos and taking videos.

It’s been a great night, and we are Premier League again after a 6 year hiatus.

I feel for the Norwich fans for their long journey home, although they probably won’t be complaining too much as they dream of trips to Old Trafford, The Emirates, and Anfield.

I get home just after 11pm and flick on my recording of Sky Tv. Fast forwarding to the goal I manage to catch myself as I emerge at the top of the stairs to take a photo…

…and promptly start falling down them as I jump up in celebration with everyone around me.

If you’re going to be a clown on live TV, then do it properly.