Ok, I’m lazy. I’m gonna rip Kevin Crew‘s words, seeing as this is all his fault:

“Many of you will have realised by now that wherever the hint of a challenge lies, there also lies my interest in getting involved. So this weeks award for Fortuitously Timed Writers-Block Beating Inspiration falls squarely at the feet of Misty from Misty’s Laws, who has slapped me across the stubbly chops with the gauntlet of the Tag, You’re It challenge. The simple premise here is that the blogger answers a set of questions, then tags other bloggers in the hope they will take the challenge and pass it on to others themselves. As one of the list of bloggers victimised chosen lovingly by Misty, here follows that set of questions, and my own personal carefully considered responses….”

Onward and downwards:

1. Book or movie and why?

I’m a writer, so I am an avid reader… but I am also a massive film buff. However, when I do put films on these days, I’m still either reading or writing while the bloody thing is on the screen!

So, I’m going with book… no… movie… no.. no… book.

2. Real book or e-book?

Ahhh… now, 99% of the world will say paper book but if I didn’t have the Kindle on my iPhone I would read less than I do (which is a LOT, by the way). The beauty of having books in my pocket means that if a customer is held up on me (I’m a taxi-bus driver), then instead of sitting there with my dick in my hands, I can read instead.

Dick in my hands, eh…? Might start leaving my phone at home.

3. Funniest thing you’ve done in the last 5 years?

This has no relevance to anything.

One of my in-laws.

C’mon, read my other blogs. Start here.

4. Do you put yourself into the books you read/write or the movies you watch?

Y’know what… I don’t. I don’t think I ever have. I become so engrossed, at times, with what I’m watching/reading that I can see it from the perspective of the lead character.

Which is the whole point, right?

I wouldn’t want to write a story about a brow-beaten cop, struggling against zombies, and if a 19 year old girl picked it up, I’d hope she wasn’t reading it from her point of view!

Nb: I am writing a story about a brow-beaten cop fighting zombies. And I do condone 19 year old girls. Heartily.

5. How would your best friend describe you?

Well, seeing as my own 16 year old daughter called me a ‘cunt’ on the phone yesterday I don’t even wanna know what my fucking friends think of me. We could always ask Lee Richards. He’s one of those ‘friends’ who doesn’t let my head drop and tells me exactly how it is.

Painfully, at times.

6. Favorite kind of car and why? 

Yes. This be she.

Kev wrote about an E-Type Jaguar, and it is a gem. I used to have a 4 litre V8 S-Type which was a fucking rocket. I now have a Ford Focus ST in Ludicrous Orange (it is a colour… now). I like it because it is discrete.

Otherwise, I’ve always wanted a pimped out Range Rover… or a Dodge Charger. Or a decent Mustang muscle car.

7. Would your choice of party be a catered meal or barbecue out back?

Load it up with sluts and cocaine and I’ll have a party in a fucking broom cupboard.

8. What’s your favorite season and why?

Easy. Football season – either soccer or NFL. If we’re taking seasonal-season (?) then I’ve always been a bit partial to winter. I love how snow makes everything look much better. On the downside, all of the good-looking girls hibernate.

9. What specific lesson have you learned – Spiritual, educational, occupational?

Fuck off. The only lessons I am learning are piano lessons. I’m not spiritual, but I am nearing the end of an Open University course, so the educational one is in there somewhere.

I have learnt to not believe my own hype (seriously) as I walked into the Creative Writing

Idiots.

course thinking I’d smash it like a desperate housewife on a Wednesday morning. I was DESTROYED in one of my essays, and rightly so. Since then, I’ve upped my game and I concentrate on my writing and prose so much more.

As you can probably tell from this blog.

Right, fuckers?

10. Besides writing, what’s your favorite thing to do when you get some extra time?

I’d say ‘have sex’, but it’s been so long since I last did it that I think they might have changed it. Is it still as much fun?

Otherwise, it would be my playstation or hanging out with my five year-old boy as much as I can. In true Jode-style, he even tried to help me pick up a lady at a play park last week.

He kind of ruined it when he got fed up of me talking to her and snapped; “Dad, are you gonna ask her for her phone number or not, cos I wanna go to MacDonalds?”

I didn’t get the phone number.

But he did get his MacDonalds.

11. What’s one place you can be found at least one time every week?

In my bus, every day, writing those infamous facebook statuses. If you are one of the rare few who don’t know what I’m talking about, click the link down the right hand side and add me.

I might make you laugh.

********************************************************************************

Ok, I’m done. That clearly spiraled way out of control, but then Mr Crew knew it would happen which is why he recommended me.

Now, imma tag some folks. The first is Marni Mann – if only to completely counteract my stupidity. And also because I love her and she’s great.

The other is John Hardy Bell. We’re still on our race to see who gets their book published first.

Fuck it, anyone else that wants to join in, feel free. And if you’re one of the 100s of my readers who have never started a blog, then consider this your invite. Take the questions above, and colour me prose-ful.