The Day I Became A Zombie

It was cold, there was snow on the ground and I was covered in blood. Not my usual Sunday morning antics… but not far off. As I stood there losing the feeling in my toes I tried to recall the events that had led me to a field in Frensham, in the Surrey Hills.

I've looked worse...

If you cast your mind (and mouse click) back to September of last year (2010) you may remember that I wrote a blog about wanting to become a zombie in a film, well with almost three months to the day of publishing that blog it happened.

It all came about because our old family friend Liam Kealy had read my blog and then seen an article on the South Today programme about a film crew needing extras as zombies in a scene they were about to shoot for a film called The Zombie Diaries 2: World of The Dead.

Commenting on my blog, Liam left the email address for the film and so I contacted them, firing off the email late on a Friday night and forgetting all about it.

I received a reply early the next evening, and in the email they asked if I would be available for filming the next day at 10am – a little over 12 hours away! I honestly thought that the filming would have been the next year, or at least had some more warning! I debated what to do, thinking it may be a little late to get off of work, and I also had no car as I had just sold mine.

The zombies gathering

So, I did what I do in most situations like this and rang my boss, Andy. Within five minutes I had the next day off and his Chrysler parked outside. Result.

The next morning I woke up early, packed a bag with some spare clothes and opened my front door… to what was possibly the coldest day in living history. Well, at 7am on a Sunday morning it certainly felt like it.

The Chrysler’s heated seats were flicked into full effect and I was at the Fishbourne ferry terminal in under ten minutes thanks to the quiet time of morning. I had a quick doze in the car on the way over; the heated seat warming me a treat… until I got to the other side and the car wouldn’t start as I’d run the battery down.

Five minutes later and – thanks to the helpful staff and a jump start – I was onto the mainland roads and heading an hour and a bit up the A3 to Surrey. I leave my car at Liam’s and he runs me half an hour down the road to my destination.

A field of the dead...

The rendezvous point was the Best Western Hotel at Frensham Pond. In Frensham. Next to a big pond. A big frozen pond. Complete with ‘DANGER!’ sign… by which a man was taking photographs of his child stood on the ice next to it. Twat.

In the hotel and I’m already starting to pass people with made-up faces, a handful in heavy prosthetic make-up complete with laceration marks and lots of blood.

I am ushered upstairs into the ‘Green Room’ which isn’t green at all, but it is where everyone is getting their make-up applied. I sit patiently and score big when selected by the hot make-up artist… but do you know how hard it is to chat up a beautiful girl when she’s putting make-up on/around your mouth?

Once we are all made-up we stand outside where around thirty zombies are puffing away on cigarettes. Many of us are in ripped and/or ruined clothes, and I’m thankful that I look like a zombie-bum, complete with beanie hat and body warmer. I might be dead, but I’m not cold… unlike the mere slip of a girl stood next to me who is wearing a thin top and leggings and shivering slightly. I am about to offer her one of my three tops when she mentions that’s she’s training to become a police woman so instead I let her freeze.

Final touches of make-up

Half an hour later and we’re walking in staggered mobs to the field where shooting will commence. I am in the second group and arrive to find the first gang already in position. Our ‘team’ is herded up a slope and we’re told to spread out and when the main cast run past us we have to start our shambling walk towards them.

Sounds easy enough. And it was. What was difficult was standing around for hours on end between takes as the cold and snow started to creep into shoes and socks. I struck up a conversation with the guy next to me and soon we were all chatting merrily.

The talk soon turns to food, as everyone is starving. Have you any idea how hard it is to eat a Mars Bar hidden up your sleeve while surrounded by dozens of people who are all hungry? Plus these people also look hungry enough to eat flesh…

The scene involves four military personnel running through the field and past our three batches of zombies; each group turning toward the sound of gun fire and advancing on them. As they rush past we follow them, which takes us through a patch of bracken, causing two people to fall on their faces, and one young lad was so determined not to ruin the scene he stayed in ‘character’ all the way down, even writhing around in the dirt and snow as one of the undead!

The fake blood was AWFUL to get out of my beard!

His effort is commendable, but once he hits the floor all that could be heard in our group is smothered laughter. Luckily I stuff a last bit of chocolate in my gob to keep me quiet and soon we are back in positions for another take.

“I wish we were getting paid for this,” I speak my thoughts a little louder than I intended.

A guy ten foot in front of me turns round and says; “We are. The release form you signed at the beginning states that we all get paid a pound… and that pound is kept for tea and biscuits.”

“What the…?” I protest loudly. “I never got tea and biscuits!”

And a lonely voice echoed through the glade, from a man that still remains nameless and faceless to me even now.

“Don’t worry mate,” he cried, “I had them for you!”

Which caused almost as much snickering as the zombie-fall-guy did.

Is that Peter Sutcliffe carrying the bucket...?

The filming continues and we do around four or five takes in total. For some reason I thought we might have had to do 30 or 40 attempts, but I guess I’ve been studying the films of Stanley Kubrick for too many years.

Eventually everything is ‘a wrap’, and the man-made mist has thinned out enough for us to stop, (Note: the man-made mist involved a bucket, leaves and sticks, a flame, and was carried out by a man who looked like the Yorkshire Ripper. See photo) but not until all 250(ish) of us have stood in a field and had several photos of our ‘tribe’ taken. I’m hoping one of these might end up on the website or dvd, as I’m not overly certain my 1 second of fame was caught on camera. (Note: You can see me in the final film!! But only just in the top right hand corner as the troops are hunkered down in a hole.)

Still, I have plenty of photos and I can now tick off the ‘be a zombie extra’ of my list of Thing To Do Before I Die. I’m proud of having done it, and it gave me an insight into an industry I’ve studied and watched for almost all my life.

And how many people can point to a film among their DVD collection and say…

“I was in that.”

About these ads

I Want To Be A Zombie.

Ok, let me explain. I don’t want to be a rotting, smelling, degenerative rising from the grave (although 2 out of 3 isn’t bad) but I want to be a zombie.

Ok, that doesn’t really explain it, but if you’ve read my previous blogs (the one on ambition) you won’t have noticed a glaring omission from my list of ‘things to do before I die’. I stated that I wanted to get my HGV licence (done), go to Canada (3 weeks time), run my own business (kinda there now), and write a book (in progress). What I missed out and can’t believe I forgot at the time was that I want to be a zombie.

In a film.

Since I was a kid I’ve loved horror films. Loved them. It started with Hammer Horror before progressing onto the hardcore stuff like Alien, The Shining, et al, before I found Him. The Great Man Himself.

George Romero.

I gotta admit, I can appreciate how good Night of the Living Dead was for it’s time, but it was the original Dawn of The Dead that hooked me. I didn’t understand Romero’s stand on consumerism at the time, but I just knew that it was a fucking meaty (pun intended) horror film, and thus my love for the undead was born…

So, thru the years I bought any old zombie film I could on vhs. Some were great, awesome films. Others sucked like a two-bit hooker… but still I liked them. A bit like two-bit hookers, I guess.

As I’ve grown older my collection has expanded, and with the wonders of region-free dvd players I can cast my net far and wide and pull in zed-flicks from other countries. I strongly recommend Severed (aka Forest of the Dead) if you can track one down. I can strongly NOT recommend Tokyo Zombie from… well… Tokyo.

And all the while watching these films I’d completely lose myself in their worlds. The book I started writing years ago is zombie-based and WILL one day see the light of day. I know it’s good enough. I’ve also another project in the works… but more about that at a later date…

I really missed the boat on Shaun of the Dead where the production crew cast the zombies from the fans of the creators TV series Spaced. That could’ve been my break! Curse my fashionable lateness to all things cool…

I digress. I want to be a zombie. I want to be a zombie extra in a film. Fuck it, I want it so bad give me the lead zombie role and I’ll literally chew the scenery/cast to the best of my ability. I don’t care if it’s mainstream or an independent film, but I want in. Surely one of my many friends reading this, or anyone who’s wandered in must know of someone who can help?

Other than that I can only figure out a few ways of achieving this ambition on my Jack Jones.

1/ Make my own film… not really economically viable…

2/ Write the damn book, get it bought by a film company and have a clause in the contract stating that I get my undead ass on the big screen… this is probably my best bet at the moment…

or 3/ find someone making a zombie film and get myself involved!

Sure, I know a couple of guys from college who now make films, but they’re not making zombie ones!! I want to get covered in make-up and blood, moan like a… a… two-bit hooker and eat someone! (not unlike aforementioned hooker)

Can any of you help? I don’t care where I have to go, or who I have to eat. I am your undead whore! Jeez, I don’t even need paying, and I assume food is supplied – either alive or dead?

And think of the benefits – free publicity thru my radio show, all over my FB and Twitter pages and thru the Power of My Blog (said like He-Man raising his sword), which is taking off pretty well and now averaging over 100 hits per entry and rising fast.

So, scratch my back, and I’ll eat your brains. How’s that for a deal?

C’mon, help an undead brother out? Cos if you don’t there’s only one thing left for me to try.

Zombie porn.

And I’m not too keen on eating some of the meat in those films…

I'm screaming for a bloody makeover. Literally.