Regular readers/friends/followers will know that at the turn of the year I wrote a book
about wanting to become a writer. It isn’t a faze or a new ‘thing’ I wanted to do, but it’s something I’ve been doing since before I could walk. Literally.
So, this year I ‘came out’. The Book is what most people ask me about when I bump into them, and I always answer ‘steadily’, or ‘slowly’, or a little of both, but – as I’ve written in previous blogs – I’m writing for so many other things The Book has kind of slid down my list of priorities at the moment.
For instance, I’ve submitted a short story about zombies for a book that’s being released soon, and I’ve been asked to submit another short story to a book based on H P Lovecraft‘s tales. If either/both of these get accepted I will have become a PUBLISHED AUTHOR!
And that’s all I’ve wanted all my life.
But, ‘life’ is getting in my way a lot these days. We’ve just had a crazy week at work (I drive a bus) due to the island being covered in rich, posh people for Cowes Week last week, and I hardly got a word written. The Lovecraft deadline is fast approaching and I’m halfway through the 7,000 words required.
So, every spare moment I have involved trying to get this short story finished, which means The Book hasn’t been touched in almost a month… and that kills me. I’m starting to hate myself when people ask me how it’s coming and I feel like I’m letting them and myself down when I explain that I’m writing other things. I feel like I’m cheating on The Book!
‘Work’ are also pressing me to take on more shifts, and then take into consideration the two Open University full time courses I start soon and The Book looks like it’s going to be unloved for a little while.
And I had fully expected to have finished it by Christmas!
I have to sort this out. I need my zombie tale to be my life again…
So, there’s only one thing I can think of doing.
Quit work. Quit driving for a living.
Yep, bin it all in and write, write, and write some more. I’ve worked out that I can get up early and get words onto paper/screen from 7am til 9am before eating breakfast, then attacking it all day until I exhaust myself!
Sure, I’ll be losing money, but someone (my boss, ironically!) told me that I should always chase my dreams, and my ONE BIG DREAM has always been to become a published author.
And surely that’s a dream I can achieve… surely it’s worth all the struggle.
So, basically, what I’m doing is throwing it out to you guys to see what you all think. I promise you that this decision has been completely on my mind for the last two weeks, and I’m so unsure as of what to do I figured I needed a little guidance.
Can you help me out?
Sent an email with my thoughts.
You did not say how many hours a day you are working at your job…that said, I would not quit. Good luck to you
Of course, silly me! I do a school run from 7am to 9am, and then I have most of the day free to myself until the return run from 2pm til 4pm. Sounds cosy, but I’m also on call 24/7, and often get a phonecall saying “you need to be at such-and-such in 15 mins”. Friday and Saturday nights are a right-off (write-off?) as they are our busiest nights.
In case any point needed proving, after writing this blog this morning I settled down for 2 hours of solid writing…
…instead, I’m covered in grease, dust and scratches having spent all that time in and under my bus swapping seats around.
Oh, and I don’t get paid for work like this.
I suppose the main question is money – could you survive jobless? If not, could you survive part time (i.e.weekends only)? if so – the answer would undoubtedly be quit the damn job!
I would love to be able to quit and just write but 2 young kids + disabled husband + part time job (which is unpaid – but it is for said husband) + the house to look after as i’m the only idiot left who can do it leaves me with evenings after 7 when all i want to do is drink cider and chill out!
what she said.
For most of us in our thirties, our days have become segmented into a series of predefined activities and obligations that take precedent over the things we love to do. It becomes very easy to feel guilty for pursuing our passions, especially when they come within shooting distance of encroaching on our “real life”. We also find ourselves contending with people who don’t have the need to be creative and who will never understand why someone would begin considering making the kind of changes you are suggesting.
The simple answer is, if you can do, DO IT! If you can find a way to sustain yourself financially without imposing any kind of time limits (i.e.I need to get this book done by December because I’ll run out of money by then and will need to go back to work) you will start living for yourself again.
The danger however, is treating your writing like “the other woman.” It seems that writing is something that you fit, as I said before, it’s that guilty pleasure. Will you continue to be as passionate when you’ve divorced the current life and writing has moved in, taken over the TV, wants to talk about her feelings all the time and leaves her dirty knickers on your Cornflakes?
I would do what you are talking about, if I had the balls. I would if I didn’t have a f*** off mortgage,credit card debt from 10 years ago and a kid that needs a private school because of the woeful public system in our city. I have made some bad choices in my twenties that now demand I earn a rather substantial salary while still leaving my family flat broke well before the next pay cheque. I not write when I can and that’s often in a snatched half hour in the afternoon or 1 o’clock in the morning. I know I am not writing when I am most creative and am certainly not giving my talents the diet and exercise they need.
If it all comes on top you can go back to what you are doing and spend some time fixing anything that might have been broken during your “experiment”. If you don’t do it, it will eat away at you a little bit more each day until there’s nothing left. Whatever life decisions you make, don’t let there come a day when one of your children is cleaning out a closet and asks you what you want do with “that book thing you were trying to write…”
You’re pretty much saying everything that the little voice in my ear keeps telling me, Darren. My more pragmatic friends on Facebook talk sense, and complete strangers on Facebook also tell me to stick with work or go part time… but every fibre in my body knows that I’m a writer and that it’s what I should be doing…
But, again, it all comes down to time and money.
Time – I’ve churned out a blog EVERY week of this year, and I’ve written numerous short stories, and articles/etc for various websites and friends’ blogs, so the time is ‘there’ to write.
Money – I’ll keep playing the lottery every week. Sooner or much, much, much, much, much later it’s gotta come good and justify quitting work, right?
Right?
And no one will ever find The Book lying in the back of a cupboard. I’ve been writing this bad boy for over ten years, so there’s no way I’m letting it go.
Darren makes some very good points.
I am turning this over and over in my mind, as this has also been my dream sonce I was 8 or 9 years old.
So this becomes a question very close to my heart.. and one that deserves i measured and comsidered response.
I will get back to you when I have decided which course of action to advocate.
Apologies for the spelling, My big fingers rape my toddler size keyboard.
I feel for you. Greatly. I spend half of my life thinking that I should quit work for the exact same reason – writing is my passion, and I’ve wanted to write a combination of childrens’ books and short adult stories (mostly full of filth and horror) since I was a kid. Strange mix, I know, but hey. My mum will often tell me that at the age of 3, I would tell people I wanted to be a journalist. But it all fell by the wayside. English A Levels are one thing, but then this thing called ‘life’ happens, and you have kids and you have to find some way of putting food in their mouths and giving them clothes and making sure your house is warm and they can listen to Justin Bieber *sigh*. I spend barely any time with my girls, and I am about £120 a month worse off than if I was on benefits. The temptation to jack it all in, and have a go at writing, see if it works… It’s massive. But I’m scared.
I remember a poem that I read as a kid. I think it was by Michael Rosen. It was called ‘The Whatifs’. It was about the things that crawl into your ear when you’re asleep ‘Whatif mum is cross tomorrow’ ‘ Whatif I get beaten up at school’… Things like that. The Whatifs won’t leave me alone. ‘Whatif I quit work and then writing doesn’t work out and I have to find another job and start at the bottom again?’ ‘Whatif I can’t afford to buy a car, and I get stranded in my tiny village with no amenities?’ ‘Whatif I hate not working and I’m even more miserable than I am now?’
As an adult, I am better at balancing out the Whatifs with the Fuckits. But they still fight constantly. I worry that if I don’t do it soon, I’ll never do it, and then my life will be forever spent wondering what could’ve been. And the Whatifs can’t be anywhere near as bad as the Could’ves.
Follow your heart, Jode. If it doesn’t work out, what have you lost? Can you get your old job back, or find another? If it does work out, will you have the perfect job, that you love and adore and will bring you completeness?
But hey, that’s just me. Good luck, friend
Daisy, as a kindred spirit I know you can feel my pain, also as a parent. And I feel that your strongest line in your whole response “…and the Whatifs can’t be anywhere near as bad as the Could’ves.”
That’s the thing that keeps me going, almost as much as wanting to write The Book itself. I’ve wanted to be a published writer ALL MY LIFE and nothing’s changed. Even if I fail at getting The Book accepted by a publisher I’ll either self-publish or write another book.
What I’m saying is that the determination to do this is there. I just gotta know if it’s worth giving everything else up for…
If I lead the way, will you follow, Daisy?
all of the Barry Trotter books that take the piss out of Harry Potter were self published.
And I agree – the could’ves will eat you alive, the what if’s will keep you up at night, but the Fuck it’s will keep you going every day.
As part of my current job, I have a weekly column in a newspaper, which circulates around 20,000 copies. So technically, I’m a published writer. And it’s spirit-crushing. I have to write in a certain “style” which appeals to the masses. It’s horrible. I don’t want to be writing about “Great ways to save money!”, I want to be writing about dragons and pixies, or anal sex and death by dildo.
The temptation grows stronger by the day to abscond from the confines of Normal Work and do the thing I’ve wanted to do forever.
And as I typed the line that you quoted, I realised what a hypocrite I am. I should be doing the thing I WANT to be doing, not the thing that everyone else does. I just wish The Fear would leave me alone.
Jode, if you do it, you will be an awesome source of inspiration. And I don’t mean awesome in the internet meaning, I mean awesome in the deity meaning.
Can I admit something? I’m actually scared about doing it… about quitting work and becoming a ‘fulltime writer’. I’m not scared about the money, I’m scared I’ll try it and fail.
But I’m even more scared that I don’t try it.
It might sound like bullshit, but I really, REALLY can’t decide what to do. All the advice I’ve had has been split straight down the middle… I’ll keep posting my blog tomorrow and see what else comes of it.
I think I’m gonna have to go speak to my boss soon as well. There might be a compromise here somewhere yet!
And our conversations usually/always involve ‘anal sex’. I fall in love with you more and more each time.
If I try it, and I fail, then it all really was a pipe dream. If I never try it, at least I can tell myself that I would’ve succeeded?
That sounds like a failure to me. And it’s the exact same thing I’m guilty of. I get ideas for books almost every day. I even found an illustrator once. /sigh – It’s too difficult, Jode.
I need to have some conversations with my brain.
(Sidenote – When typing “It’s the exact same thing I’m guilty of” I accidentally did a typo, and wrote “It’s the exact sane thing I’m guilty of”. I feel like this means something)
A freudian slip of a sort. hehe
This is why I hate money and wish that Utopia existed. If you can make it not working, ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY. Do it. The fact that you have been loyal to your book for a decade now is a GOOD thing, not something to feel guilty about that you have had to neglect her from time to time. But I also think the two writing projects you mentioned to put you out there in the “published Writer” category are important too. SOmeone mentioned your book as the other woman. I think your book is your wife and your short stories are your children and sometimes you have to put the children first. So crank those puppies out, let your wife know you will get at her in a minute, and don’t feel guilty about that.
O.K. I’m off topic now. this is about you lol………..but before I get back to you, I need to say to Daisy that I would TOTALLY read a story about death by a vibrator!!!!!
Maybe you could just keep your day hours and no night times or on-call anymore.
Also, fear of failure is a POWERFUL thing. I struggle with that in many aspects of my life including men, which is why I usually go for douchebags because I fear rejection from a nice dude.
Fear of Failure…………how to tackle it: I don’t really know, but here is something that my therapist used to tell me I do ALLLLLL the time and need to stop doing, and this might help with the FOF thing: I live too much in the future and past and not enough in the present. I play the what-if game too much, thus living in future. I compare my life now to things that have happened in the past, too often, thus living in the past. To live in the present means to pull your mind out of the future and past when those thoughts creep in, and just focus on what you are doing right now. Even if it is mopping the floor, notice each square you are mopping. Or washing the dishes…….notice the smell of the soap and the feel of the bubbles. IF you DO quit your job and become the full-time writer (aka starving artist, which totally turns me on) than when you start fearing that you will fail, pull yourself back to the present so you aren’t thinking about it. And you are not going to fail, Jody. You are a wonderful writer and every great novel I’ve ever heard of, or at least 90% of them, the authors were at it for just as long as you’ve been so you are on the “write” path.
Cyber love for my British peep,
Margarita
Without intending to hijack – Margarita, when I write that story, I will send you a copy
PS – “Margarite” is Daisy in French
Well it’s settled then: we’ve officially bonded over flowers and dildos…with jody in the middle
Yes. Oh sweet mother of god, yes.
Jody, here’s the most important thing to remember: regardless of what you do about work, through this dialogue, you have set the foundation for an outstanding three-way love fest. Well done.
do it dude, everything you’ve ever written is witty and encitefull, be it blog, status updates, short stories etc…. I believe in you x
Thanks Bobby
If the money isn’t a concern then it has to be said: you could die tomorrow, do you want to be a bus driver or a writer today? Sometimes the hardest questions require the simplest answers.
Heres one last bit of fortune cookie wisdom: I’d guess that the best things that ever happened to you were things that scared the shit out of you before they happened–do it.
JT, the groundswell of answers yesterday morning when I first blogged all suggested that I stick with work or try and work part-time… since then every answer has been pushing me towards jacking in everything and trying it.
I’ve got some serious thinking to do…
I would rather be living on the bones of my ass (this would never happen because my ass is HUGE) than wasting days not doing what I really want to do. If you can survive without the bus work, do it. I will support you with my wages from moonlighting as a donkey punchee. If you yodelled down my anus right now it would so echo.
Seriously though, go be a writer. Love what you do. Live what you do. Eat, sleep & breath what you do. And be motherfucking awesome at it.
Bx
I would rather be living on the bones of your ass as well. And yelling up your arsehole. And writing.
And I would be awesome at it all.
I’ll keep it brief, since I’m pretty sure your decision was more or less made before you wrote this post. If you quit your job, will you or your kiddo starve? If the answer is “no,” do what you need to do. Chase that dream, Jody Ruth.
My kids will never starve. I’ll sell my ass to keep them in food.
What a fucking blog that would be!
Or a book.
Hmmm…
You don’t know me, but you asked for feedback so I’ma give it to you.
This is a really personal decision, and nobody can make it but you. I am a full-time writer, and after two years of near-homelessness, ramen noodles and some really frightening near-death experiences, things have improved to an actual roof over my head, occasional tuna fish for lunch and an occasional new pair of flip-flops. Here’s some of what I’ve learned:
1. If you can prepare, do it. I really didn’t have a choice — life circumstances dictated I take the plunge for better or for worse, but if I had it to do over again, I would have prepared a little better with at least 6 months of rent/living expenses in the bank. Trust me, this would alleviate a TON of stress.
2. Define your goals. What is it you want out of writing for a living? What will you do to achieve it? And dude, you’re going to have to write a fuck of a lot more than one book every decade. Just saying.
3. Educate yourself. The publishing business is a lot different now than it was when I started out a mere five years ago. Writing for a living is not just an artistic endeavor — IT IS A BUSINESS and it changes every damned day. Keep up with the program, cowboy. A legacy publishing deal in the six figures is likely not going to happen. Adjust your game plan accordingly and read everything about the industry you can get your eyeballs on. Follow the shakers and movers and pick their brains clean.
4. Diversify. If writing fiction full-time is your main goal but you have to pay bills in the meantime, take on other work. Copy work, articles, editing etc. Whatever it takes. When you’re not writing and working, you should be looking for work. Everything else in your life takes a back seat. It’s all about the words and how to wrangle them.
5. Be prepared to work more hours than you ever dreamed you could work in a day, and be prepared to work your ass to the bone. You have no safety net — this is ALL ON YOU. You can’t blame anyone else for your fuckups but the upside is all the successes are yours, too. You can’t punch in at seven and out at three. It doesn’t work that way.
6. If you have no self-discipline then the freelance life is never going to work for you. That’s just the harsh reality. This is not a game. You are taking this from a labor of love to a matter of survival. That changes things, trust me.
7. Be prepared to stretch your skull to the size of a basketball. You’re going to have to learn a wide variety of skills to include (but not limited to) formatting, cover art, marketing, contracts, networking and how to juggle chainsaws. Even if you hire most of these things out, you need to know enough about how it all works to prevent an ass reaming.
8. I repeat — THIS IS NOT A GAME. It is a career, a profession, a calling. You have to take it seriously or you’re not going to make it. That’s the harsh reality. Writing for a living is not for sissy boys. You’re going to have good days and bad days and when they’re good, they are the Best Ever. But honeychile, when they suck, we’re talking Major Suckage.
Some will argue you need talent to make it, and this is true but not the whole picture. A lot of people have talent. What will stand you in better stead is persistence. Flexibility. An ability to think outside the box. But most of all — PERSISTENCE. If you want it bad enough, you’ll make it happen.
I don’t know you and you don’t know me, but the writing community is one of the most supportive there is. For me, I have never regretted my decision to embrace the writing life, and I never want to do anything else. I might not be on the bestseller list, but I don’t have to be. I am supporting myself and doing what I love, and that is my definition of success.
Your mileage may vary.
Good luck.
Anetta, thanks for the most constructive reply (along with my old friend Jason Tabrys) that anyone has given me.
Now, seeing as god invented numbered points to be answered in the same style…
1/ I will have some sort of measly income. It will mean eating beans on toast for the next ten months EVERY meal, and I’ll have to work by candlelight, but I will have a roof over my head. Oh, and credit cards.
2/ What do I want? I want to be published. If it leads into a full career after one book, then so be it. If it doesn’t, I’ll still be a published author, and that’s what I want to be more than anything!
3/ I’m not blowing smoke up your arse/ass (depending where you’re from) but I know a whole lot more about the publishing world than 99% of unpublished authors out there. I HAVE studied it for years. I buy the Writers’ and Artists’ Yearbook EVERY year, I’m subscribed to Writing Magazine, and I have a close friend who edited the first part of The Book so thoroughly it left me a little disillusioned (for a short while) but has prepared me for any vicious editing in the future, and I know that agents/publishers expect the new novelist to actively promote their own book as well. Hosting my own radio show, blog, and having a large amount of friends on Facebook stands me in good stead for this part.
5/ Long work hours? That I can do. When you’re used to working 20 hour days as a taxi driver, sleeping for 3 and then going back in after breakfast the appeal of a chair in front of my PC appeals to me. I will add that I do get to do a lot of that on days off/school holidays as well, so I honestly feel like I’m geared up towards it.
Agree with you on the writing community, and especially Twitter. The amount of info, friends, and fellow writers I have learned/made on there has developed my knowledge of writing/publishing tenfold. Also, without Twitter, I would never have started a blog. But that’s another story.
Thanks again for your kind/strong/informative words – read, and understood.
And one day, Annetta, I’ll see you on the bookshelves.
Trust me.
Booyah. Then get your ass in gear. Daylight’s burning.
Buzz me if you need help or just want to vent. We are all in it together. (But I’m not holding hands and singing “Kumbaya”, so get that out of your head.)
Will you still have inspiration to write if your not leaving the house a lot? Will you dry up? (am not a writer so don’t know the words to ask this question properly – but you get my drift?)
Why don’t you go away for a week – on your OWN, and see how you get on? Will you be disciplined enough to stick with it and write and write and write?
What is your gut instinct? Go with it ….. that would normally give you the right answers.
Love you big guy x
Oh christ, of course I’ll still leave the house a lot. I’ve got Bam and the kids to do things with. Plus if I retire from drinking how the hell will Weatherspoons stay afloat?
Go away for a week? Sounds good. Will a stag-do in Valencia with 12 others next month do for starters? On a more serious note, Italy and I are looking likely for a short while next year… depending on money…
x
When I was a small child I was always the bookish type, reading anything I could get my hands on. Later, at school, I was lucky enough to have librarians that recognised my love of literature and guided me into new fields and styles, opening my eyes to just how many authors there were out there. Books have made me laugh, cry, … run the whole kaleidescope of emotions. Not every book is a good book, and fewer still are great books. But it is an undeniable fact that more than one book has opened windows onto magical worlds for me.
Jody, if you can publish ONE BOOK, just one, that brings that exciting feeling to just ONE PERSON – do it, and chase that bitch HARD. We were at school together, and have remained casual acquaintances since, but I don’t feel I know you well enough to advise you on whether you take the plunge to make it full-time or not – you’re on your own on that one.
But you already, with your blog and frankly hilarious Facebook statuses, prompted me to unleash my inner blogger on the world. See – the power of your words is working already
I look forward to you awkwardly shunning me at your first book signing as I tell everyone loudly that I know the Author.
Are you fucking kidding me? How do you think the book launch is gonna go? I’m thinking me, you, Ballard, strippers, and enough blow to make Scarface roll over in his grave.
That’s how it’s gonna go.
And ‘casual acquaintances’ was a while ago. ‘Hardcore co-writing motherfuckers’ is where we are at now.
I have no doubt your launch will be carried off in true Jody style. I rank it among the 100 things to do before I die, and for safety’s sake will complete the other 99 before I attempt that one – just in case.
“Hardcore” I’ll grant you readily, and “Motherfuckers” is a given (at least some of them were mothers I’m sure … must have been, I was checking out her daughter…. ) – but co-writers?? If nothing else we’d set the record for the most expletives used in a single paperback
Well Netta is fabulous on a biscuit
Hey there,
I’ve stumbled on this late in the piece and don’t know if there have been any updates on your decision so I’ll throw my thoughts in to the mix just in case you need that wee shove to move you in the right direction…
1. I will buy your book and look forward to it.
2. Conviction, my friend, is not just a trip to Rikers. If you have it, act on it. Don’t die wondering ‘what if…’
3. A while ago I blogged about how impressed and jealous I am of people that develop a passion early in life that abides and simply will not fade, how much I wished I had experienced that kind of calling. Dude, you just gotta go for it.
4. Tell the dreamstealers to fuck off and die.
Create. Be incredible. Live with courage and conviction.
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Sammie, around here no one is ever late to the party, and – as always – everyone’s thoughts are appreciated.
1/ I’ll sign your fucking book in blood.
2/ I will never die wondering ‘what if?’. It’s how I’ve managed to achieve so much in the last year or so. Someone actually asked me if I was secretly dying which is why I was doing so many great things with my life recently!
3/ Have you had no passions or callings since childhood? Mine has always been writing… and porn when I hit puberty…
4/ I love it when hot women talk dirty.
I love everything about your message. Thank you xxx