Monthly Archives: August 2011

Do Not Read This.

Posted on by

I told you NOT to read this and now you’re reading it. If I told you to jump off a cliff would you do that?

Actually, if I told you to give me money would you do that??

The reason for the very small, nonsensical blog is because I’m involved in WordPress’ ‘Blog A Week’ which means that I have to blog… every week… obviously.

But, I’ve left it too late this week, and here on the Isle of Wight we’re embarking on Scooter Weekend and I’m going to be too busy to come up with anything intelligent or funny. For once.

But, on Sunday, I’m off to the SW4 Festival in London to meet up with DJC-Kay (his website is in my links to the right) and we’re gonna tear it up on Clapham Common before hitting the Ministry of Sound until 7am.

Knowing the things and situations that I usually get into, I’m praying I get back somewhen within the next 7 days…

My next blog will be biblical.

About these ads

I Think I’m About To Do Something Really Stupid.

Posted on by

Regular readers/friends/followers will know that at the turn of the year I wrote a book about wanting to become a writer. It isn’t a faze or a new ‘thing’ I wanted to do, but it’s something I’ve been doing since before I could walk. Literally.

So, this year I ‘came out’. The Book is what most people ask me about when I bump into them, and I always answer ‘steadily’, or ‘slowly’, or a little of both, but – as I’ve written in previous blogs – I’m writing for so many other things The Book has kind of slid down my list of priorities at the moment.

For instance, I’ve submitted a short story about zombies for a book that’s being released soon, and I’ve been asked to submit another short story to a book based on H P Lovecraft‘s tales. If either/both of these get accepted I will have become a PUBLISHED AUTHOR!

And that’s all I’ve wanted all my life.

But, ‘life’ is getting in my way a lot these days. We’ve just had a crazy week at work (I drive a bus) due to the island being covered in rich, posh people for Cowes Week last week, and I hardly got a word written. The Lovecraft deadline is fast approaching and I’m halfway through the 7,000 words required.

So, every spare moment I have involved trying to get this short story finished, which means The Book hasn’t been touched in almost a month… and that kills me. I’m starting to hate myself when people ask me how it’s coming and I feel like I’m letting them and myself down when I explain that I’m writing other things. I feel like I’m cheating on The Book!

‘Work’ are also pressing me to take on more shifts, and then take into consideration the two Open University full time courses I start soon and The Book looks like it’s going to be unloved for a little while.

And I had fully expected to have finished it by Christmas!

I have to sort this out. I need my zombie tale to be my life again…

So, there’s only one thing I can think of doing.

Quit work. Quit driving for a living.

Yep, bin it all in and write, write, and write some more. I’ve worked out that I can get up early and get words onto paper/screen from 7am til 9am before eating breakfast, then attacking it all day until I exhaust myself!

Sure, I’ll be losing money, but someone (my boss, ironically!) told me that I should always chase my dreams, and my ONE BIG DREAM has always been to become a published author.

And surely that’s a dream I can achieve… surely it’s worth all the struggle.

So, basically, what I’m doing is throwing it out to you guys to see what you all think. I promise you that this decision has been completely on my mind for the last two weeks, and I’m so unsure as of what to do I figured I needed a little guidance.

Can you help me out?

Paul Lambert’s Master Plan

Posted on by

*sigh* Throughout my life and during my time on Twitter I have made so many Norwich friends it’s been a whirlwind of social networking and Canary-cuddling. It’s been great.

This man knows what the fuck he is doing.

I’m now in danger of pissing each and every one of them off in one foul sentence.

I think Paul Lambert is planning on relegation.

Wait, hear me out. Please! I’ve been a City fan for… *phew* almost 30 years, and have been going to Carrow Road since I was 8 years old (3-3 against Liverpool), and nothing would swell me with more pride then our beloved yellows staying up in 17th place by the skin of their teeth on the last day of the season that starts tomorrow.

Bradley Johnson

But take a look at the signings:

Bradley Johnson (Leeds)

Anthony Pilkington (Huddersfield)

Elliott Bennett (Brighton)

James Vaughan (Everton)

Steve Morison (Millwall)

Apart from Vaughan there is little or no Premiership experience between them, and with the signing of David Ayala imminent from Liverpool you can see that Lambert is going for young, hungry players, and I believe  we will stay up with the squad we have.

But, most of the players – including Ayala – have a lot of Championship experience, so if we were to go down it wouldn’t be a bad thing, as I think we’ll be one of the strongest sides in the division and come straight back up.

If Lambert stays in charge. Which I hope he does. And with the players mentioned above can you see why I think we’re possibly planning on going down…?

I don’t think it would be a bad thing if we ‘West Brom’d’ it for a few years. Buy decent

Elliott Bennett

players, get relegated, smash the championship, rinse, repeat. It would financially stabilise a club that has diced with administration more than once, and it would allow us to build such a strong base to work with.

Now, if we can just build a bigger stadium… but that’s a blog for another time…

Please feel free to leave any comments below City fans!

I Finally Found a Twinkie.

Posted on by

Yep, I finally found a Twinkie. Regular readers/friends will know that I holidayed in Canada last year and spent most of my two weeks there trying to find one of the little buggers.

Let me take it back for you a little.

Ever since I was a kid I have known what a Twinkie is. I know that I’ve seen them in Ghostbusters, The Iron Giant, Die Hard, and the brilliant Monster Squad film. I bought thousands (literally) of American comics which were awash with adverts or references to those mainstay of US children’s diets. And, living in England, we don’t find them in every store or supermarket.

A Twinkie. Finally.

Ironically,  once I’d returned from Canada I found an American sweet shop in Southampton and stopped off there late one night.

They had sold out of fucking Twinkies.

“But we do usually stock them,” said the guy behind the counter.

Luckily, my friends James Drake and Em-J had spotted some of the elusive golden little bastards at Phil’s Diner in Newport, so (eventually) I managed to get hold of a couple – one for me and one for my daughter who ate it straight away. And was not impressed at all.

A bad omen?

I held off eating mine there and then, as I feel the world needs to know what happens when I finally get round to trying it. I know y’all have been on tenterhooks waiting for me to finally get one… well, judging by all the Facebook comments I get when I bemoan having never eaten one I’m assuming you do!

So… here goes… (I’m really looking forward to this – the smell is making my stomach growl!)…

Chow down, tubby.

*nom nom nom*

Y’know what? That was pretty good! Not sure it was worth the 25+ year wait, however.

Still, for £1.50/$3 I’ve finally laid that ghost to rest. I can see why the suckers are so big in the US.

But I think Tallahassee’s quest for one in Zombieland might have been a little over the top.

Now, if I can just figure out what the fuck a corn dog is I’ll be able to die with my life’s ambitions fulfilled.

Oh, as long as I can also wash it down with Mountain Dew…