I Need A Man!

Posted on January 26, 2011 by Jody Neil Ruth

Actually, I need a lawman.

To be even more specific I could do with a sheriff from Texas.

The reason? The book I’m writing is going well (and I’ll update everyone on it’s progress next week) – and I’ll explain just how much research is getting in the way of writing – but I need more information on my main character; a sheriff in a small town just south-west of Dallas.

I’ve contacted the Sheriff’s Association of Texas but have received no reply, and I’ve had the same problem having contacted some sheriff’s and police departments directly in small towns in various places throughout the state. I understand that these people are very busy and may have no time to reply, but even a quick note to let me know would have been appreciated as I could then move on to the next potential helper!

I need a sheriff/lawman/woman currently in work or retired just so I can ask them some basic questions about procedures, the uniform, arms, techniques, and various other questions I’ll come up with along the way. In return they will receive my eternal thanks as well as acknowledgements in the book and anything else they require!

So, I call upon my blogging, facebook and Twitter brethren, and ask if any of you can help me or know of someone who can help. You can contact me directly at the bottom of this blog, or through Twitter or facebook. I would put my email on this page but the amount of spam I receive almost weekly through this site puts me off doing that.

That’s all from me on this blog; it’s short and sweet as I’ve still got a book to write! I just need a little help filling some of the blanks…

And if someone could get me to Texas to ride in this beast I would gladly do so... in the name of research, of course.

About these ads

What Jody Did in 2010

Posted on January 20, 2011 by Jody Neil Ruth

It’s part pure-self-indulgence, and part diary… as since I started drinking less my memory’s started getting worse… and I thought it was supposed to be the other way round!

Below is a list of what I achieved/enjoyed/did during the year of 2010, which has gone down as One Of The Best Years Of My Life(TM). Most of you will have been involved to some degree, some of you will have followed my adventures, and some of you have come here wondering who the hell I am, and those that know me will wonder just how the hell I managed it all! Well, join the club.

——————————————————————————————-

JANUARY

The year started with snow and Gareth “Big Perm” Brown stayed snowed-in at mine for a couple of days. It was also (my youngest son) Bam’s first real snowfall that he could go out

If you can't drop your trousers in front of a strange, hungover German, who can you drop them in front of?

and play in. Work and schools are closed as are most roads.

Started my radio career with Vectis Radio – an online radio station based here on the Isle of Wight – as Bully’s assistant during his afternoon show.

Brighton Tattoo Convention was also our destination at the end of the month where I got a shark tattoo on my thigh by Mark Halbstark - a tattoo which ends up in Skin Deep magazine later that year!

The Wild Bunch hit The Folly for Richie’s birthday.

MARCH

For my birthday my sister Kay and her husband-to-be, Steve, got me 8 weeks of salsa dancing in revenge for the Des O’Connor tickets I gave her for her birthday the previous year. I take my partner-in-crime – Simon Cope – with me as punishment for him laughing about it. I won’t digress exactly what happened… as all these “birthday presents

Me, Ollie, Perm and Copey.

spiralling out of control” are for a future blog… or book!

My birthday is also shared by Amy Bailey! Who then ups and leaves me to go to Australia… this trend continues through the year as Gareth Brown also goes to the same country and Chris ‘Anal’ Ettritch and Caroline Uncle also head out to the far east.

The Ryde Taxis 16 seater bus I drive got on TV on South Today! I volunteered to sit in it while they filmed… they said no. Face for radio, anyone?

I’m also the bus driver for local band The Dead Perrys for their photo shoot. It ends up in true rock and roll style as we ruin places, pubs and rock out til 4am…

APRIL

I start my own show at Vectis Radio, playing soul and funk. The first show I’m nervous as hell, but soon into my element and start playing tracks that have sampled old songs, so hip hop becomes prevalent. The show morphs and later in the year I move to Tuesday nights

The WIld Bunch

and get free reign and host special shows covering the Wu Tang, the Beastie Boys, DJ Shadow and Cypress Hill. Thanks Macca!

The Wild Bunch hit the Windmill in Bembridge.

I see Mat Carrington for the first time this year after promising us both I’d make more of an effort to get over to see him in Wimbourne. I do well on that promise through the rest of the year.

I join Twitter. It takes me a good month or so to get into it but it is very rewarding and has allowed to me speak to many other writers, sports fans, stars, etc. By the end of the year I will have struck up a friendship with Dan Gold, and spoke to DJ Mistajam, page 3 girl Rosie Jones, porn star Rachael Williams, UK hip-hoppers Foreign Beggars, Brighton stars Rizzle Kicks, and writer Rebecca Woodhead! An honourable mention goes to Marni Mann, a writer awaiting publication who I will be talking to throughout my own process of trying to become a published author. *note to self: ask Marni if I can be the first to interview her once published!* (also, Marni’s blog is on this page under the ‘blogroll’ section)

MAY

The garden outside the flats Copey and I live in gets a big renovation! The grass and wild bushes are cut and a fence is put up by Lee Daniel… thus allowing us to have some big, crazy barbeque’s that run throughout the summer. Strangely, once the grass is cut, I find a

You can't actually see the pain we were in.

pair of Jamaican pants.

I win £400 as Norwich win League One.

The Wild Bunch hit the Folly. Again.

Copey and I Walked The Fucking Wight. All 26 miles of it for charity. It wasn’t my choice but Bully asked us live on air on Vectis Radio, so how could we refuse? My feet hurt afterwards. A lot. Almost as much as I hurt Isle of Wight Radio when I got to the finish line and they asked who I was walking for. I was wearing a Vectis Radio t-shirt and I proclaimed it live on their show!

Went to Wembley with Bully, Frank and his son Danny to watch England play Hungary in a friendly before the Shit World Cup. It wouldn’t be my last visit to Wembley this year.

We roll up at the Bournemouth Tattoo Convention. I don’t have any work done but I do get to meet Dan Gold of London Ink fame!

JUNE

The Wild Bunch hit The Sloop.

Got my picture taken with Kate Moss after driving her back from the Isle of Wight Festival, along with her rocker boyfriend, Jamie Hince – who was a lovely fellow!

But Kate wasn’t a patch on the Bunch’s own H-Bomb – Ms Haley Owen. We rocked up at On The Rocks in Yarmouth for her birthday.

We host a barbeque to end all barbeques for an England World Cup game. It’s still talked about in pubs and clubs across the island. Apparently. Also, it isn’t a patch on the

She was a little starstruck at first.

monster BBQ we hosted the month before, in which we had more people than the pub across the road! Inman also supplies much mirth with his bionic leg…

The Wild Bunch hit Portsmouth for Copey’s birthday. (I do realise that some of you have no idea who the Wild Bunch are, but they are a close group of my friends and will feature in a blog coming soon!)

My bus and I ferried passengers backwards and forwards to a church and reception in nearby St Helens for one of Jimmy Choo’s designers.

The Bunch hit the Alamo for Emily’s birthday.

I start up an email-writing-humour-filled friendship with Mr Jason Tabrys; truly my partner-in-crime. One of us will end up famous. The other will be riding the others coat-tails… but as long as there are big houses and bitches involved, I don’t care who does it.

JULY

I finally take over the gold mondeo I’ve been driving sporadically over the last couple of years. I’ve no real intention of driving it as I need to give my dad some more work as the markets he’s been grafting for years don’t seem to be a viable long term prospect. Plus it’s warmer in the car. Only downside is he’ll probably meet some of my idiot mates… but at least the car is now mine after a long, drawn-out process of trying to buy it. And blowing an engine in it. Twice.

Bam, Jo and I go to the Isle of Wight Zoo which is always good fun. Her brother – Darren (of the NFL blog fame) – works there and feeds the goats with Bam while I look after the monkey. *ahem*

Tommy Harding manages to coax me out of beach football retirement to play a game for

What the fuck were we thinking?

him along with some of my old team as he’s short of players. We lose. I don’t even make it onto the pitch after realising how unfit I am walking to the pitch.

The Ryde Taxis weekly golf tournament starts. Copey and I are very similar in scores throughout the next few weeks. The sessions also allow Frank Allen the following observation:

“Jody’s golf swing is perfect – he actually looks like a pro… until he hits the ball.”

The Wild Bunch hit Weatherspoons. Hard.

Had a five minute chat all about Bam with Hawksbee and Jacobs on their brilliant TalkSport afternoon show. I have intentions for TalkSport but all will be revealed at a later date…

I take Bam to the Thomas Day Out at Havenstreet Steam Railway, a day we always both enjoy. It’s also probably Bam’s favourite place on the island and we’ll be back again a couple of times during the year.

And in July I started blogging.

AUGUST

Take Bam to Space Island and catch up with some old friends in the form of Skeete, Lucy

: Lee’s photo of Bam, through a treestump

and Lee Richards and all their kids. Lee takes a photo of Bam which gets reproduced many times by myself and ends up as a Christmas present to my mum. Lee definitely needs to get more involved in photography. And he also qualifies for a blog on his own… not just through his photography but because every time he asks me to come out for a quiet drink, things go veeeeeeeeeeeeery awry.

Went to Brixton Academy with Lindon Plumley and saw the Wu-Tang Clan! Blogged.

Bam and I go to the Chale Show to confront my fear of flying by going up in the helicopter tours they do every year….

…this year they’re not doing them.

It’s my old friend and boss Andy Younies’ 40th birthday at the Oakfield Club House… a truly colourful event!

Andy's 40th

Saw Mat Carrington BA Hons III again!

Gabbi Wickes and her dad, Kev, come down for a week and we end up on a good night out.

Back to Havenstreet with Bam, this time for the Steam Fayre.

The island is besieged during it’s always-brilliant Scooter Rally, and Frank Allen and I are convinced to go down to the King Lud pub wearing our football shirts as we were informed THAT everyone would be doing the same that night. Frank and I are the only ones with football shirts on.

The last barbeque of the year is – as always – a big event, and this time we even have the debut of local island band The Hay Stack Rats!

SEPTEMBER

It’s off to Thorpe Park we go on a day out with Copey, Jo, The Guv’nor (Andy) and others. I worry Bam will be scared of the rides… but he soon puts me straight on that one. We also see Louie Spence, Duncan James, and Tamzin Outhwaite there. As you do.

The Wild Bunch hit Appley Manor for some joint birthdays. It ends up in my garden at 2am doing headstands.

OCTOBER

Most of this month is taken up with Jo and I going on holiday to Canada. I’ve already blogged the hell out of it so go read them.

The Wild Bunch hit Ryde Tandoori.

I hang around with him for his intelligence and humour. Since he sold the car I haven't been over to see him, however.

Saw Mr Carrington again.

Bump into old friends Joz and Jodie on a random night out in Spoons. It’s messy, but fun. Some of the Bunch are in attendance.

Remember the salsa dancing Kay and Steve got me? Well, I make them read The Worst Poem In The World(TM) at the Quay Arts Centre in front of the Island Poetry Society. Again, one day this will be a blog or a book. Or read out at my funeral.

Darren and I go to Wembley for the Annual International NFL Game. Again, blogged.

NOVEMBER

Andy, Bam, myself and loads more kids go to Splashdown in Poole.

Bam.

The island suffers some heavy floods. Bam and I go play in them!

The Ryde Taxi drivers have a Jolly Boys Outing to France and Belgium.

DECEMBER

Snow falls heavy right at the start of the month.

I take Bam, Cameron and Chloe to the Spinnaker Tower in Portsmouth, and a quick trip round Gunwharf.

I manage to get a part as a zombie in The Zombie Diaries 2: World of the Dead thanks to old family friend Liam Kealy! The film is released this coming July (2011) and I will put up the blog about my day of being dead up then.

A man of natural beauty.

The Wild Bunch have their annual Christmas dinner… this time at the Beijing Palace. Nothing like a good old traditional chicken korma for Christmas…

Chris ‘Anal’ Ettritch and I take out Jo’s car with Bam in the snow… and rag the shit out of it. Must admit, it’s a gem in the snow, that little Fiesta!

This is quickly followed by Anal and Caroline’s leaving do, as they are off around the world for four months

——————————————————————————————-

So, that’s my year in summary. Again, self-indulgent and a good way for me to look back in years to come and remember just exactly what the hell I was doing, but it’s fun nonetheless, and it should be a good read if you’re one of my friends or if you simply want to know about me!

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve still got a bloody book to write!

Broncos vs 49ers @Wembley, England Halloween 2010

Posted on January 12, 2011 by Jody Neil Ruth

I know it’s a little late, but the story needs to be told of the day Darren Hall and I – two big NFL fans – got ourselves up to Wembley in London for the annual NFL game last Halloween. It was one hell of a day…

Now, young Mr Hall has comtemplated writing a blog for a while, and so – one very drunken night as he rolled in at 2am – he wrote a blog about our little adventure and how we ended up at The Plaza Hotel with the 49ers photographer and his entourage… but he felt a lack of drive and confidence to put it ‘out there’.

Shouldn’t have sent it to me then, should he?

This is his story. I shall interject when needs be:

Sunday morning and my head is split with a hangover enough to make the mother Teresa herself curse the lord’s name in vain.[Darren was best man at a wedding the day before - JR] I shake it off and travel home to pack my green number four jersey (Go Pack Go) for the big trip to London’s Wembley stadium. Even though the Green Bay Packers are not in attendance for the big game, I feel I must represent, like half the crowd present when we eventually arrive. It was a game of spot the team and I successfully identified 30 of 32 mainstream teams with a few odd ones thrown in to stir the pot.
I travel north of the Wight isle with my older sister’s boyfriend, Jody, who is a man wiser then he looks [he's young. He'll learn] with great insight into all his surroundings. I feel a friendship blossom with every quip and comment about passing landmarks and passing ladies on our arduous extended train journey to London.

We hit London Waterloo and I take charge of the situation, having had limited experience of inner city travel and probably still filled with the Dutch courage of the night prior, I lead a man of at least

Bobby Moore - nothing to do with NFL, but a hell of a man and a great statue

a decade my senior into the treacheries of London’s underground subway system. This is a grand step up from the simple Island-Line rail system on the Isle of Wight consisting of seven stops down its east coast. We descend the escalators many feet below ground level wowed by the electronic advertisements flogging us west-end musical tickets at a disgraceful price to see pantomime performances of the likes of Dale Winton or Bobby Davro in drag which I quickly avert my eyes from to save myself the embarrassment of evacuating my guts in the confined spaces of London’s underground.
As we venture on through odd temperatures for Halloween below the earth’s crust, we encounter several characters across the metropolitan line and northern line including Asian tourists, over-aged, under dressed ‘schoolgirls’ (God bless Halloween) and NFL jerseys in their abundance pumping up for the big game. We travel on past our ultimate destination with less than a half hour before it all kicks off. As we see comrades bound for the same goal as ourselves we bow our heads in disappointment as we travel on to check in to out mediocre hotel and then double back to Wembley Way.
After we check in, there is confusion over which the only ordered taxi belongs to, we persuade our way on board as we are apparently the only ones attending the hotels facilities, bar the chap in the reception arm chair stealing free Wi-Fi from its unobservant providers. We pay a pleasant Asian

83,941 people in attendance

chap a generous fee due to loose change in our pockets for our speedy delivery to the colossal arch that is Wembley Stadium. Within minutes we are in our seats and they are pretty good. Top marks to Jody for scoring great seats with no traffic in front of us [for £111, they fucking wanted to be], apart from a disabled gentleman who appears wheelchair bound, until it was time to leave where he was first to spring loose of the ensuing traffic exiting Wembley. There was also the gentleman with arm paralysis who Jody propositioned a high-five only discover the guy ‘can’t move my arm’. I share the embarrassment as I feel it is too much for one mortal to endure.
Prior to this ludicrous event were many happenings including a tame first half of American Football consisting of only three points and countless attempts to claim ‘dibs’ on San Francisco cheerleaders as they paraded past [I won, through virtue of being older and 'wiser' *ahem*], pom-poms in hand and choreographed to perfection expressing their jovial manner and pleasant appearance. I’m still convinced that of the 38 dancers present, they were at least one third synthetic material. However we don’t complain, we soldier on and boast about who has the best chance of bagging said treasures. Half time approaches and as we venture into the back rooms for over-priced and over cooked burgers and we miss the games first major event, a touchdown to the Denver Broncos [Tim Tebow 1yd run]. Luckily for us this doesn’t register until we return to our seats and I realised I am situated next to the continent’s tallest man. As I feel like a field mouse next to Goliath, I munch

Darren vs the Tallest Man in Wembley

on my burger and the game finally gets going. This is enough to partially redirect our attention toward actual events on the field that we paid to see, although ultimately we lose the battle and succumb to the cheerleading talents of the San Francisco Gold Rush. (Later recognisance reveals one is a history teacher, surely a paradox as no one could focus on past events when those hooters exist in the present.)

Post game drinking leads the pair of us to the Green Man pub around the corner from the stadium. It is somewhat under populated then I expected it to be but we continue with our consumption of alcohol and participation of America’s game in London whilst it is still here.

As the night draws to a close somewhat earlier than advertised by the powers of Facebook, Jody and I come into contact with none other than an official 49ers photographer who claims he has had free-roam of the event and has snapped in excess of 3000 photographs of today’s feature. We immediately cling to our new best friend in an attempt to continue the nights drinking into the early hours of Monday morning. As luck would have it, twenty minutes later we find ourselves inside the Wembley Plaza Hotel with best mate Roger King (the photo king) after eluding his colleague Bi-Bi, who is somewhat suspicious of Roger’s company, the moustache-clad photo man escorts us onto the premises and it is on. Cue several hours or drinks, bull-shitting about American culture, and a motivational, inspirational talk by a Colorado senior the night draws to a close and Jody and I must travel to north London to return to our rented quarters for the night. Our initial goal of a midday return to the Isle looks in jeopardy as it is half past four in the morrow before our heads touch pillow.
The morning comes around in an elderly state and we are awoken by attempts of the cleaning staff to enter our room near on 11 am, albeit at their own risk of the pungent odour of male body, and the risk of deafening due to Jody’s impressive decibel-accumulating snoring. I take the plunge and ask the 1950’s shower to shed my layer of skin belonging to the previous day’s activities in a mixed assault of burns of scolding water and tirades of freezing blasts of water, cleansing my soul and reminding me that everything comes at a price. I awake the beast and we travel Island-bound via Waterloo’s Burger King which neatly fills a whole and sedates the pair of us on the journey home.

Darren getting his life-pep-talk

As piss-poor as I feel returning to the homeland, I cannot help but smile due to the previous 48 hours activities and escapades, which fortunately came at a difficult time for me. It just shows what openness and friendship in combination can do to uplift your spirit if you just let go and get involved.
As I return to university the following day I have a few good stories under my belt that recurrent reiteration cannot do justice as it was one of those weekends in which you simply had to be there.

UK, UK, USA, USA

There’s not much else I can add to the above, except…

That the final score was Broncos 16-24 SF 49ers;

The MVP was Troy Smith – the back-up QB for the 49ers;

I must be better-looking than Darren because I got my food and beer cheaper than he did;

I said the words: “If Roger King wants lasagna, Roger King gets lasagna” to the very posh people at the Plaza’s reception… and got lasagna;

Roger King and Darren

US Gary – when asked if he would like a drink – said “Sure, I’ll take a shot!” which in turn led us to hitting different shots and getting very, very wrecked;

…and then we had to try and flag down a taxi at 4am. Well, Darren did while I sat on the curb and tried not to pass out…

In fact, that’s the easiest damn blog I’ve ever written! Must drag Darren around with me more often…

Oh wait, there’s always this years’ trip to Wembley!

I’m Going To Write a Book

Posted on January 3, 2011 by Jody Neil Ruth

Yeah, you heard me. After last years’ successful blogs (most notably the blog about ambition) I’ve decided to go for it. I’m 34 years old and should’ve had a book in print by now. Nope, it’s not bragging, ‘cos I know I got the gift, it’s just the graft I’ve always been lacking.

But the blogs have helped. If I hadn’t written the blog about wanting to be in a zombie film last year then I would never have been an extra in the Zombie Diaries 2 (released July 2011), and the blogs also allowed me a further additional experience to my holiday in Canada as I looked at things in a completely different light with a view to blogging all about it. I think it also helped me enjoy the trip more in a way.

So now the power of the blog shall help me again. By making this bold statement I’m putting additional pressure on myself. By telling all of you my plans it wouldn’t just be myself I would be letting down. I like to think that there are a few of you out there that would like to see me succeed in this, and would like to come along for the ride as I aim to get this bad boy published.

Let me explain my gameplan:

If you have read any of my previous articles then you will know that I have (at my feet beneath my computer table) two large notepads in which I have written 253 pages of badly-hand-written scrawl. And if you know me in any way at all, you’ll also realise that this is a book about my favourite subject: zombies.

No wait, come back!! It’s good! (I think) I’ve written many, many things throughout my short life, but this book was something I always came back to and toyed with. It’s a living, breathing beast awaiting release… and that time is due.

I’m also hoping that this blog and book will help any other wannabe writers out there, to guide then on which steps to take (or not to take!). Although I have never had a book published I know a lot more than the average layman does of the process. It’s something I’ve studied for years as I knew one day that I would need this knowledge. Now I’m going to put that knowledge to the test.

I’m planning on monthly updates as well to explain the whole process of putting pen to paper and then getting it to print. I’ll explore the methods of getting yourself an agent, or – if I’m feeling lucky and confident enough – I might even just get it all ready and start sending it out to publishers. It should prove interesting either way. Let’s just hope I don’t end up with egg on my face! (Although that would be a series of interesting blogs in itself…)

Even if you have no desire to be a published author then hopefully the blog will still be as enjoyable to you as most of my others, and feel free to stop me in the street (or email, or Tweet) and ask me how things are going and to make sure I’m not slacking off either!

I’ll leave it at that for now, as I have declared January to be a month of detox from my many vices while I concentrate on getting The Book finished and published. Monthly updates shall entail, but feel free to comment below and ask me any questions you may have.

Let’s get this undead baby out into the world.

Wish me luck.

2010 in review

Posted on January 3, 2011 by Jody Neil Ruth

Just recieved an update of my blog stats from http://www.wordpress.com, so I thought I’d share them with you guys as a thanks for reading all my missives last year!!

This year I’m aiming for stronger blogging topics, and I have a beauty that will last through the year and will be updated monthly. I’ll also finally blog my trip to Wembley with Darren Hall for the NFL game we saw last October, and I have a few other diamonds ready to spring on you lot

So, later today I’ll be putting up THE BIG BLOG that you’ll be able to follow through the year. Hopefully you’ll find it as easy to read as I will to write.

Sit tight… it’s gonna be a good one.

__________________________________________________________________

The stats helper monkeys at WordPress.com mulled over how this blog did in 2010, and here’s a high level summary of its overall blog health:

Healthy blog!

The Blog-Health-o-Meter™ reads Fresher than ever.

Crunchy numbers

A Boeing 747-400 passenger jet can hold 416 passengers. This blog was viewed about 1,300 times in 2010. That’s about 3 full 747s.

In 2010, there were 20 new posts, not bad for the first year! There were 98 pictures uploaded, taking up a total of 190mb. That’s about 2 pictures per week.

The busiest day of the year was August 26th with 77 views. The most popular post that day was Facebook – A blessing _and_ a curse.

Where did they come from?

The top referring sites in 2010 were facebook.com, twitter.com, onlineeducationcollege.info, touch.facebook.com, and WordPress Dashboard.

Some visitors came searching, mostly for brixton academy, jodyruth.wordpress.com, in case of zombie break glass box, jason tabrys, and shaun of the dead name badge.

Jody Neil Ruth Writer. Driver. Idiot.

I write, I drive, I get in trouble.

Monthly Archives: January 2011

I Need A Man!

What Jody Did in 2010

Broncos vs 49ers @Wembley, England Halloween 2010

I’m Going To Write a Book

2010 in review

Crunchy numbers

Where did they come from?

Attractions in 2010

Follow “Jody Neil Ruth Writer. Driver. Idiot.”

Crunchy numbers

Where did they come from?

Attractions in 2010

Follow “____Jody Neil Ruth____ Writer. Driver. Idiot.”

Follow “Jody Neil Ruth Writer. Driver. Idiot.”